Embrace The Colours

blogging some where else...

2010-08-11T14:48:00.001+08:00

HI PEOPLE! From today onwards, I'll ALSO be blogging at

MY TUMBLR!

relink me =)

oh yah, this is MY TWITTER! Freshly created a day ago! =)

Pinky Promise

2010-08-11T01:43:00.000+08:00

Just came back home from the airport, sent Justine off to his beloved aussieland. Cya soon, soon soon soon..

K, i'm damn tired, i went home and immediately headed out to changi airport after work. Eyes cmi already. Gd night!

urgh.. Why so scary?!

2010-08-08T19:27:00.002+08:00

K, i'm back home from west coast's dotasg compy.. What a tiring day.. And i'm like feeling so nua now.. Shag.. *Snuggles on bed, under blankie comfortably*

So finally i got to spend time with my husband(lap top). Thus, i decided to do a more detailed research about the surgery i'm gonna go through in 11 days and a few few hours time, Tonsillectomy. AND WTF? Damn horrifying can.. Just take a look at this post surgery photo from this website http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tonsillectomy !!! Damn gg lor...

Then i read about this guy's tonsillectomy experience here http://www.sillypore.com/tonsillectomy.htm and i was damn horrified... and here http://www.tonsillectomyrecovery.com/about.html

The pain actually lingers after 10 days +++ ... Fk.. I'm so gonna be dying from it. Urgh... Howhowhow? The IV sounds so like a whore whereas the anaesthesia makes me have butterflies in my stomach. If only the anaesthetist is Jang Geun Suk LOL~!

And i'm supposed to rest for so many days.. MC like a week ++? Gosh.. I hope my boss is ok with it man.. zzz..

OHYA, something damn random. If you notice at CHEERS, those convenient 24 hours stores, they sells these fluffy and soft, yet in huggable size plushie! Omg! The Scrump round pillow-like thingy is damn cute la! The bolster-like Scrump thingy is damn cute too! AND BEST PART? $19.90! Hahahahhaaa.. OK, i hope it is still available at the end of the month, then i can use my pay and buy it! Whooo~

K i should go sleep now. A bit early ah, but nvm.. At least i halts my negativeness..

tired, and almost timeless for myself.

2010-08-06T23:44:00.000+08:00

Great thing about today is, work went well and i finally made it home and i'm already lying on my bed. Frigging tired. This week is a mass OT week. Everyday i reach home later than 9pm. Hmmmm.. Gotta go running tomorrow. And i'm working tomorrow too.. Having my off days on Sunday and Monday! Guess i'm gonna spend it alone again..

Sigh.. Sometimes, went i think about the past, about the happenings, about how it used to be, thinking so hard about why did it ended up in such a bad shape, about how would it have become IF things didn't ended up this way. Yea, i know.. Silly right? So no point...

And then again, is it even possible to love 2 person at once? Maybe it is time to force myself to stop contacting you and come in between your current relationship. Sigh, i just have to remind myself yet again that, i don't always gets what i wants in life. Cause, given our current situation, we're so fucked up. zzz

Still on the heavier note, I'm gonna go for my tonsils surgery this 20th August.. Scheduled and confirmed already. Doing it at Tan tock seng hospital. Damn... I gotta stay over at the hospital after opt. zzz......... And i fear most about the general anaesthesia and the pain im gonna go through after the opt. Oh man... Damn bad.. Maybe i wouldn't wake up from the general anaesthetic.. Who knows right.. good too.... K why i sound so negative today. zzz

Well, my ideal this coming Monday, is to do something in the morning to noon and at evening, laze on a couch and watch NDP on teevee and after NDP, watch IP MAN on channel 8. Great. Its so easy, but, i don't wanna do all these alone. HAIS........

Can anybody donate me some love, please?

KK.. night

寂寞的季节

2010-08-01T21:46:00.000+08:00

Headed home after work. Boarded the bus, and all i can feel then is lonesome. I glanced at the empty seat beside me, the chilly yet moist weather, the wet roads, the rain droplets on the bus windows.. The streetlights obviously didn't warm me up at all...

I looked at my cell phone, nobody. It was still and hard.

Sometimes, i ask myself what and who i'm looking forward to.. Silly.

Waiting for something, which will never happen, never appear.

Ultimate emptiness.

My first off day!

2010-07-31T13:22:00.000+08:00

Yay! Today's my off day! Whoohoo.. Didn't touch my laptop for about 4 days and DotA for 5 days. GG.. Everyday work till 8pm and come home 9pm. 9.15pm go for a run and come back interact with my family and my dog, watch a bit of tv, tidy my stuffs, bathe, sleep. Morning, wake up, be a sardine(public transport sucks during the peak hour), work, home. And repeat the previous sentence.

I kinda like how i utilize my week, and the future weeks to come. I feel so good, doing things productively, and progressing due to hard work and the amount of concentration plus determination i gave in everything i do and learn. I just loves learning new things. Awesomeness.

As usual, my body clock woke me up at 7am and i glanced at my phone's clock, screw it, i went back to sleep till 11.30am when my daddy woke me up and told me to have breakfast.

Gonna go out to meet fm, lux, cheryl at toa payoh for dim sum!

HELLO LUX!!! YOU DAMN XLB AND DIM SUM LEHHH! LOL

*Loves the imbal weather now, FINALLY NO RAIN! Song bo!*

Till then! loves!

1st day of work/training

2010-07-26T23:06:00.001+08:00

Time was really well spent. I gave my full attention to the teacher and i gave 100% concentration on my practices. I always wondered what makes the difference, and now i do. It is all about the skills and the amount of practice you do.

For the next 6 months, imma gladly spent it well with just me and my job. Whooo~

OK, i'm gonna rest now. Night people..

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不要说一套，做一套。

有时候回想起过去，心，还是会忍不住再次破碎。。。

I'd really like to believe you, but, there's no factor for me to do so.

你也是时候放手了吧。

new loves

2010-07-26T00:33:00.001+08:00

Before i sleeps, i wanna share with you my new favourites....

The Enchantress, Aiushtha! Credits to Izaskun-Deviantart! Omgomgomg! So nice right? Haha.. That's my current favourite hero right now! Though i don't always wins when i plays this hero, but at least i kinda understand how this hero works and in a weird way, i feel that the hero suits me too! Hehehe! I like everything about this hero, from Untouchable, to Wisp, to Impetus and the slow.. Omg.......... Imbalicious. OK, maybe one thing i don't like, is the attack speed. lol.. Other than that, i'm very satisfied with it. Aww... How pretty!

Alright! I want a kitty!!! Yeah, once my ah jie move out with her husband, imma adopt a kitteh! Hehee.. I don't like the idea of BUYING a pet. I think i said this a few times. Well, the industry works like how a factory works. If there's less demand, factories will eventually slow down on their manufacturing. If there's no demand, factories will close down. Now, replace factories to Puppy/Kitten Mills. I don't love or want a cat for its beauty, its breed. I want to give them a home. There's so many kitties out there waiting to be adopted.爱你不是因为你的美而已。。。

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ALL HAIL TO THE FAMOUSE AGNES FROM DESPICABLE ME! Hahaha! So adorable! Look at her innocent stare! Hahaha... I want the book! I'm so gonna collect everything from this movie!

AND MINIONS! Omggg... Suddenly feels so excited when i sees all these minions' facial expression. Thinking about how bubbly yet retarded in an awkward and cute manner makes me wanna own one. One, as in a REAL on. LOL... In my dreams. OK, discount, a plushie will do lar! OH YA! SPOT THE KISSING MINIONS! ROFL! How cheesy!

OK, that's all my impromptu-ness and randomness. GOOD NIGHT PEOPLE! WISH ME LUCK TOMORROW ON MY NEW JOB! *loves*

new goal new life, gambatte yo! Eriza chan!

2010-07-25T17:21:00.002+08:00

left a few fwe more hours before i have to officially bid my previous lifestyle and freedom good bye!

OK now, i tell you a 秘密，i don't know why i always proceeded to sit in front of my laptop after coming out from the bath, wrapped in a towel. LOL..

okidoki, imma go out to have dinner and maybe meet up with some friends for movie or smthing like now.

Till then~

海鸟和鱼相爱，只是一场意外，还是奇迹呢？

我只知道，在不在一起，是不能勉强的。。。

You can't force it, when it belongs to you, eventually, it will be.

In attempt to look a lil more optimistic..

2010-07-24T14:31:00.001+08:00

I think i look rather satisfied in a happy way here... Oh, and i love that white dress. Very cheap, pretty and comfortable! $10 nia ok!

OK, i spent my whole of Friday staying indoor, playing DotA and watched a film. Snuggled comfortably on my bed with the accompany of my fluffy and warm blanket, the sleepy and cooling weather wooo.. And then, i watched A Walk To Remember. A 2002 romance film. Wow... Mandy Moore is so beautiful, she sang so well, her charm... Gosh... *melts* Never watch that film before, have been wanting to watch it for a few few years already, just couldn't find the serenity in my heart to actually get down to the real thing and watch it. I cried buckets..

I guess Faith, is after all something really powerful. Mind is .

And today, i woke up at 11am and same thing, i repeated what i did yesterday. Sat in front of my laptop, and constantly refilled my giantic white ceramic mug with chinese tea. Sleepy weather, checked. Lazy Eliza, checked.

Alright, at least in the evening, i'm going out with my family and granny for steamboat dinner. =) Finally Eliza is stepping outta her house.

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Choices which you made, you have to face the consequences. I'm trying to, you should too. Move on, stop dwelling over it. There's no way i'm going back to where i was already. On the day when you decided to leave me for her, i said nothing, i only silently hoped that you made the right choice, cause there wouldn't be a second chance. Said that before, and i still wanna say the same thing again, good luck. Farewell.

need

2010-07-24T01:02:00.001+08:00

On a Friday, stayed home and dated my laptop. On nights like now, there's nobody in real for me to talk to. Everything seems so unreal and virtual.

Today is one day when if i just get shot in my heart and dies, i won't even feel a thing.

Nobody to talk to.. Nobody...

So alone.. Why is this so hard, it feels so difficult trying not to drop any tears. Still trying..

I got nobody to turn to. I only have this space here.

I'm that poor, useless and pathetic.

I can't do anything else right except for self-pitying.

wth? Can i get any worser than this?

I just wanna feel better..................

I didn't ask for heartbreaks, i didn't sign up for all these. I can barely accept all these. I can't, i don't have any option, i'm given this. I only have one route, accepting it.

It sucks man.. it sucks so badly.

Maybe

2010-07-23T00:22:00.000+08:00

(Did this tattoo today, rib cage/side waist area, effing painful can...Haven't got the chance to take a good shot of my tattoo using my lulu, this pic is from my hp.)

Sometimes, love just ain't enough.

What do i want?

What do you want?

What do i really want?

What do you really want?

Is this what i am looking for?

Is this what you're looking for?

Am i sure?

Are you sure?

As true as it gets, love is one thing, being together is another subject. After all, love is categorized under feelings. Falling in love is easy, being together is so difficult.

Is being with who i am what you ever wanted?

不要在伤我的心了，好吗？

2010-07-20T01:06:00.000+08:00

心碎比快乐跟真实。。。这几天，我一直在想，是我哪里不够好？我不够温柔吗？不够体贴吗？不够美吗？不够什么？我到底不够什么？

后来，我就开始想，是不是我太固执？太天真？是不是一直已来，都只有我，你根本都没在？

一眨眼，你就离开了，太突然了吧。。。可不可以告诉我怎那样放弃，怎样忘记呢？满脑子都是为什么和你曾经给我的承诺。

男人啊，如果你不认真，如果我不是你的终点，如果你会让我掉眼泪，如果你不能给我幸福和快乐，如果你不能给我你的所有，请饶了我吧。

别让我爱上你，because, when i love somebody, i'd give my all...

这一次，我的心真的受伤了。。。

Isn't right but...

2010-07-19T23:17:00.000+08:00

我很想你, 你知道吗?

但有用吗？你已经走了远远了。。。

是我太固执，原谅我的天真。

我会好好过。。。

希望如此。。。

And now i cry in the middle of the night for the same damn thing

2010-07-18T02:03:00.002+08:00

Because of you

I never stray too far from the sidewalk

Because of you

I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt

Because of you

I try my hardest just to forget everything

Because of you

I don't know how to let anyone else in

Because of you

I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty

Because of you

I am afraid

Because of you...

pretentious

2010-07-17T01:32:00.005+08:00

I like to pretend that everything’s alright.

Because when everybody else thinks you’re fine,

sometimes you forget for a while,

that you’re not.

-msjo

Hypocrite, big liar.

2010-07-16T04:00:00.000+08:00

You're the same.

Same as the ones who've hurt me before.

I hope you made the right decision, cause there wouldn't be a second chance.

Its over.

go back

2010-07-13T00:32:00.038+08:00

Its just me, not being good enough for everyone. I'm not enough for everyone, never enough. I know it has been really disappointing. You trying all your best for me, while this is what i can give to you.

When i first appeared in your life, i was in a badly screwed situation, messed up life. I remembered how concerned you was, trying to be there for me whenever i'm down, trying your best in making me smile and feeling better. You did everything, from picking me up for supper, and having small little personal talks. You tried to celebrate my birthday, you tried to keep me alive.

You tried everything. You did so much for me, i know that. I do really know that. I'm all pressured and stressed up, just for one reason, reason is being that, i couldn't fork out that amount of effort and give it all to anybody at this point of time. I did all i could for this instance, and i was honest.

I don't feel bad about that part, because i never did assured you that i'm ready to commit in another relationship. I was honest about telling people that they shouldn't spend their effort and time on me because nothing is confirmed and it is just like a gamble. I gave them an option, i gave you an option too.

Now that you feel that i'm not trying my best when i told you at the state i'm at, i'm already trying everything i could, yes, everything. For now that is, i'm already trying my everything. When i almost believed that not everybody expects something from me, when not everybody wants something from me, you expected me to fork out as much effort as you did.

I know, that is the only fair way to treat a person, and i know i'm not doing enough. But, i thought the initial plan was to fix this shit with me and walk this out together.

Sigh. Sometimes, when things like this happens, how can i not feel dejected? Other than feeling negative about it, what should i be feeling? Afterall these various crying episodes i've been through, should i still continue to feel hopeful? People change accordingly to impacts in life.

I read through the msn chat i had with you, yet again, i recalled everything from the first day i met you and things you told me before. I smiled and somehow, my heart sank, i can literally feel my heart wrenching in agony and the next thing i knew, my cheeks were all damp, so is my laptop keypad.

You told me that you just wanna be there for me no matter what, you told me that you don't want me to be pressured when i'm with you. I always question that, yet, you re-assured me.

Now, may i ask again, is it true?

I feel so gullible again.

Perhaps, i should stop hoping that there's such person who would understand.

And all along, i thought you do.

Heart.

2010-07-10T12:30:00.001+08:00

Do you have times when you do not wish to hurt people who loves you, yet at the same time, you have got no choice.

爱, 我却不能够给你我全部
我能给的却又不是你想要拥有...

It explains all.

*Sigh.....

Please don't treat me so well.. The guilt is building increasingly in me as each day passes. I'm not worthy.

Inflamed.

2010-07-05T10:22:00.000+08:00

Gosh.. My throat is inflamed again, like again. =( Poor me. Looks like the surgery has to be done soon. Meow... I love my blog songs a lot! And i can't really sing now, throat kinda hurts. =.="

Me, Sheepie, Kimbun & Ah Hua @ WCG 2010 Qualifiers SAFRA Game Haven. Yeah, some late photos..

Thanks Isaac for the birthday cake! Its the most awesome chocolate cake ever la! Super chocolately! YUMS! *Ignore that guy behind, he's my fat brother.*

Thanks for the present! Its really pretty, can't bear to use it lol!

27th June 2010: At Duxton Hill. Birthday dinner! Wa.. this medium raw steak is damn nice la! Though it looked almost raw inside, the taste and texture was madness. *Slurps*

Ice cream never fails to make me look kiddish, agree? LOL! >.< This is.......... I forgot the name, but its like egg custard but not exactly egg custard. It's topped with harden caramel. Wa... Strawberries goes well with it. =)

I LOL @ this. hahaa... Totally spells-HMPF! hehee

Okidoki, i gotta go get ready for the filming for the cyberwellness thingy. Will be occupied from Mon to Wed. Tata!

here i am, again.

2010-07-03T03:43:00.001+08:00

Its my fault.

I'm sorry that i came into your life.

I'm sorry for causing your heart to skip a beat.

I'm sorry for all that you've done for me.

I'm sorry for all that had happened and what could have been better.

It is about time, time to leave.

This song is for my heart, for my soul. Heart, I'm sorry, it is time to let it heal. Time, are you willing to heal it? Sometimes, i feel so helpless and useless. Hopefully gullible. Believing is all i can do? When will believing stop me from getting hurt?

This song, is solely for my heart.

为什么这样子？

2010-07-01T06:33:00.004+08:00

Life's is like a waiting game?

I'm about to hand my happiness and love to you.

Please hold me tightly, don't ever let me fall.

For love, for you, i'm willing to.

All over again, yes, i will.

I realised that, it is all worth it. All the possible heartaches and frustrations..

Yes, it is worthy of the risk.

=)

*though it kinda irritates me whenever i sees your desktop and phone wall. doodles.~*

I'm an addiction?

2010-06-29T21:45:00.000+08:00

Ecstasy? Pink lady? Cocaine? Heroine?

I'm just like all of your drugs, which you guys are heavily hooked on to.

The creeping clamouring of temptation, yet, the blood curdling withdrawal symptoms.

Some people says it is dangerous, yet worthy of the risk.

Whatever it is, drugs are still unacceptable. The rejections i have to make.

I'm sorry...

I'm really really sorry....

Gomen nasai..

Isolation mode

2010-06-28T06:34:00.000+08:00

I don't know how to describe my life now. 20 years old and screwed. I just hope that i don't do stupid things like trying to kill myself or smthing.

Some how, everybody just expects me to be something, to give something, to want something from me. Why can't you people just give me a peace of mind? OK, since people keep coming to me, i shall go hide some where, isolate myself.

I don't understand how i can be a disappointment in almost everybody's life. Disappointing you people, i know, i just suck to the max.

I'm so frustrated. I just want to stand here and scream, cry and jump into the sea.

Maybe i should really destroy myself.

Shop like a millionaire.

2010-06-24T05:09:00.002+08:00

Meow~ Hello! Life's been pretty good! With incoming pay cheques, i'm allowed to pamper myself, almost like a queen. Lols..

I've spent like near to $500, or possibly more than that, yes, all within a day! Gosh... Women are scary! Bought my 20th birthday present for myself. It is a pair of 4 inch peep toes heels, from Pazzion! Bought it to pair up with my birthday dress which i bought from Shan's blog shop, VanitySweets.livejournal.com Well, it would be up on the new collection soon!

Look at my gosu and sexy baby! 4 inch, lacey details, with cute yet sleek, black ribbons. Surprisingly comfortable, and the most stable and firm pair of heels i've ever bought! It costs me $70. Yeah.. Most expensive heels i ever bought. =.=" Usually my heels costs about $30. What can i say? Quality stuffs FTW!

And.......... I splurged on classic manicure and pedicure! Lol... Costs me $74 in total... GG RIGHT! But, they did a really really good job. Massaging, buffering, clearing cuticles, painting, awesome! Below's my nails in slightly metallic red! And they painted my toes in some kinda dark purple. Goes uber well with my new heels!

My fingertips looks like cherries! ^^ ahahahaa~ OK, i know it is expensive, but oh well, ONCE IN A WHILE wouldn't hurt that much right? *self comforting*

OK... next is gonna be a whoa.... Really....

10....

9.......

8........

7........

6............

5.............

4.................

3....................

2.............

1...........

a BIG GG to me man. Bought 7 bottoms, 4 dresses, and 7 tops, 1 denim jacket and 2 belts. Missed out a few in my photos, cause i wore them today and they're in the laundry! Hahahaa! Crazy... Yes, I SHOP ALONE! Song bo! That braclet from DIVA costs me a frigging $19. But when i wear it on, it looks fabulous. Too superb, i just gotta purchase it! And... Yeah, the clothings i think i spent a few hundreds on them.

Bought 2 bags too~

The brown one looks really classic, love the handles, length just nice, shape just nice, colour just nice, compartments just nice. The other bag is actually in very dark navy shade. Like the gold studs and buckle and i love the shape too! The brown bag i bought it for $15! Good buy!!! And the other one costs $22!

Official shopping queen.com

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Half Naked Just Right Next To You.

You Kissed My Lips Like Sugar.

Its ok, just, don't ask, or pretend that you know something.

2010-06-19T23:19:00.000+08:00

When people says they do understand, i no longer believes that they do. Simply because, you're not me, you can't understand, not exactly, not entirely.

Please don't say anything and ask why.

Ever felt so annoyed and irritated, yet hurt when people asks about stuffs. Can't you people just leave me alone? Go away.

Don't come and don't compromise
As if you understand
as if you will ever know...

Don't.

So packed, many things to do!

2010-06-18T14:13:00.000+08:00

HI PEOPLE! Meow.. Woke up about an hour ago. Life has been going on pretty well and i have been living in quite a fast paced environment. Rush to here and there, having meetings, trainings, work, photo shoots, castings... And 9 more days to...

Come to think of it, i've never ever celebrated my birthday. I mean parties, birthday cakes, friends, balloons and music, yes to all on the left. But, the sincere thought of celebrating the life? My own life? Well, i have to admit that this is my first time contemplating why should i celebrate my life.

And i do think that life, is a totally incredible event where, yes, i should celebrate it. I must. =) Before i go, 2 songs which i like, from Olivia Ong. Love the serenity of her voice, for all my readers. =) Have a very nice day!

Shh... Baby, Keep quiet. And listen.

2010-06-17T08:59:00.000+08:00

All this time I was wasting
Hoping you would come around
I've been giving out chances
Everytime and all you do is let me down
And it's taken me this long
Baby but I've figured you out
And you thinking we'll be fine again
But not this time around

You don't have to call anymore
I won't pick up the phone
This is the last straw
Don't want to hurt anymore
And you can tell me that you're sorry
But I don't believe you baby
Like I did before
You're not sorry
No, no, no, no

Looking so innocent
I might believe you
If I didn't know
Could have loved you all my life
If you had'nt left me waiting
In the cold
And you've got your share of secrets
And I'm tired of being last to know
And now you're asking me to listen
'Cause it's worked each time before

But you don't have to call anymore
I won't pick up the phone
This is the last straw
Don't want to hurt anymore
And you can tell me that you're sorry
But I don't believe you baby
Like I did before
You're not sorry
No, no, oh
You're not sorry
No, no, oh

You had me crawling for you honey
And it never would have gone away, no
You used to shine so bright
But I watched all of it fade

So you don't have to call anymore
I won't pick up the phone
This is the last straw
There's nothing left to beg for
And you can tell me that you're sorry
But I don't believe you baby
Like I did before
You're not sorry
No, no, oh
You're not sorry
No, no, oh...

Killer legs and apple butt

2010-06-16T04:14:00.001+08:00

Yeah, as of the above title, that's my biggest goal right now. Need to tone up my legs, especially thighs and i want that apple butt. =) Kinda proud of myself for completing 4km run today. Shall do skipping tomorrow.

Oh yeah, tomorrow i'm working from 5pm -12am. After that, i'm going to ButterFactory with Kelly and Kimchi! HEHEE! Dear Jocelyn is getting me on her VIP list! Thanks babe! Wonder if Vivian is gonna be working tmr too! Damn excited can! I wanna go there and shake my booty and move my body , groove to the music and people! Frigging high! It has been such a long long while ever since i'm feeling so hyped up about clubbing.
*winks*

And, i just came back home like about 20 minutes ago. Justin's friend, Ivan came to pick me up and we went to Geylang for Dim sum supper! Super nice la! Wha... i'm damn impressed and happy about the food. After that, went to ECP to chill. Felt darn good, enjoying the dark yet sparkling sky, with occasional roaring from the airplanes. Wind caressing my hair and skin. Awesome. Thanks Ivan!

Anyway, i did a photo shoot for Shan's aka Flawed's blog shop. Do support and check it out at

http://vanitysweets.livejournal.com

i do cherish-

2010-06-14T06:04:00.000+08:00

Isn’t it always the case that, whether you like it or not, some people just turn out to have a special place in your life?

That one person you can never be “just friends” with. That one person you will always regret not going out with. That one person you can say anything, and everything to. That one person who most irreversibly broke your heart; that one person who mended it. That best friend you have that once, in a faint and passing thought, you actually considered being more than that with.

Lots of people. Each of them holding a space in your heart and mind that’s just a little bit bigger than the rest.

被爱，是幸福的，我要你幸福，所以我爱你。

FIGHTING!

2010-06-13T05:50:00.002+08:00

I love this pic. =) Good luck to team XTC later! 要加油哦！

The trouble with love is,

2010-06-12T01:52:00.003+08:00

I’m more than just an option; refuse to be forgotten. I took a chance with my heart and I feel it taking over. I know what i want, and, i will continue to work towards it. As long as its within me, i will try whatever i can.

I'm always here, never once left. Like i said, trust yourself, trust us. I always believes that we're more than words could describe.

Human is selfish, but love is generous. I want you to do what you want. Nothing else matters. Silly? Maybe, i'm just following all the rules.

Soul: Is this what i want?
Me: I want him, always only wanted him & nobody else.
Soul: He's always with you, not matter what, no matter what...

Get it?

2010-06-09T04:20:00.002+08:00

I think that in some way, this is a lot of people’s biggest fear. (Or most sincere wish.)

can't nobody do it like you~

2010-06-09T03:25:00.005+08:00

I super love my blog song! I tried singing it, but i can't project the jazzy kinda voice, and the starting is too low for me. I love the chorus though! Beautiful and mesmerizing melody. THUMBS UP! 2nd song is There you'll be, Pearl Harbour's song. Oh man.. I miss Pearl Harbour. I shall watch it soon! Already watch it 3 or 4 times but i still love it a lot. Anybody wanna watch with me?

I like this photo a lot. Shot by my Panasonic Lumix 3. It gives a silent and lonely, yet surprisingly bling feel. =) Like the line works and how it frames up naturally.

Me: So do you love her?
Friend: I don't know..
Me: Then you don't.

I only want you to do what you want. Which ever decision you made, i hoped you made the right one. I wished you all the best back then. Now let me ask you again, "Is this what you really want?"

Trust the voice within

2010-06-07T05:19:00.002+08:00

YAY! My hair is growing at a satisfying speed~! I look more feminine with long hair! =) *flips hair* Anyway, today, i think i'm super gosu la. I slept 15 hours straight! ^^ HAHAHA! Yea, damn pig i know.. So many people calling me pig, i already surrender to my fate liao.

Here's taken during work at the bar! That's my sexy Ah Hua and my champagne. Don't really like it, very gas-y but oh well, was given by boss, so have to take it. =) TOAST AND CHEERS! Work was fun and tiring! Learnt quite a lot of things. Next goal is to try to hold 5-6 bottles of beer with 2 hands. ^^ People there are fun and polite. Awww.. Not forgetting our Mamasan aka Kelly! Thanks a lot for taking good care of us! The bar is super nice ok. Super nice ambiance and mood. Outdoor, indoor, rooftop concept. NICE!!! Next time you guys must come visit ok? Hehee.. OH YA! Rebelresonance was there by coincidence! haha! Nice to meet you!

CHU! Love my fluttering eyelashes and alluring eyes and pout-y lips! =) This was taken after Shan's blog shop photo shoot. The people told me that i look nicer with tied up hair! I think so too! ^^ The collection is not up yet.. I can't wait to see myself in those pretty clothing! Will tell you guys when the collection is available ok!

HAHA! I kinda like this photo! A very playful feel! PLEASE DON'T DO THIS WHEN YOU SEE ME OK! This is only done outta pure fun and display!

Awwww... i love this pic a lot, a lot, a lot! It's my lappy's wall paper now!

Anyway, i'm deciding whether to go for the operation or not. Well, firstly, it costs quite a lot, but money ain't a main factor la.. Its painful and i'm scared. You know, anything can happen under general anaesthetic. What if i don't wake up? Meowww...

*pondering,,,*

Time flies, tomorrow Justine is booking into camp again. I hope i don't go haywire while he's gone. He's like a ruler and i'm a pencil. OK, what a weird way to describe. He's a really good friend.. Thanks..

Even though i slept for 15 hours, i still feel like sleeping now, i shall go pig out, good night world!

*ignores whatever nonsense and impurities*

if so, stop reading then!

2010-06-06T06:00:00.002+08:00

You can say whatever you want, hide whatever you want, twist whatever you want. At the end of your sentences, i'm only gonna ask you,"Does it matter now?"

Don't waste your anger, jealousy, time on here. This is my blog, i write about myself, what i want, and how i feel. I don't give a damn shit about your perspective. Do it in YOUR own blog.

Since it is over, "DOES IT MATTER NOW?"

Shut the fuck up and go away.

And yes, i'm super confident of myself. Look, i look decent, and i play DotA competitively. I got no lack of suitors and endless stream of admirers. I don't need a prize possession-like kinda guy. Afraid-of-losing-somebody is never ever in my dictionary. Its either, take it, or leave it. I'm not like you, don't compare.

Now go away, stop reading here if it irks you big time.

2010-06-05T11:31:00.000+08:00

Before i blog, i wanna share with you guys a song i like a lot. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1hB24ErtYQ8
A song, can't embed it because the uploader disabled it. Super nice..

Anyway, yeah, anyway, 2 days ago, i got what i needed. And yeah, i'm moving on. Life's about making the right decisions and moving on. =) Never, ever look back once you've decided. It is going to be difficult, but, somehow, i just gotta stick through this and yeah, tough it out by hook or by crook. Cruel? Nah, that's life. Too bad for me. I accept.

Even though you said you never loved me, never wanted me, but, we all know what it was. I'm glad we had it all. Arigatou ne, sayonara!

OK, just a quick update what was i doing for the past couple of days... On Wed ? If i'm not wrong...It was on Wed night... Had supper with Hengky at Jalan Kayu. LOL So many ppl wanna go along. OK next time jio you all ok? I got sudden craving for milo dinosaur! HAHAHA! Yah! I know! I'm so frigging random! Prata was nice!

Thursday night, went alps with quite a lot of people.. Sang ultra emo songs.. And drank a little more than usual. After Alps, we headed to Arab street, Haji lane for sheehsa and martell again. Drank a bit but smoked a lot. Headache + dizzy. Slept for 3 hours, got woken up by my mom pestering me to go market with her. Since then, i can't get back to bed, so went out with her for breakfast and accompanied her to buy groceries.

Got home and went down to Chinatown for work.(YTD) First time working as a waitress. 3 feelings. Excited, nervous and worried. Lol... Luckily i got yan and kelly working with me. We're working at 5 Ann Siang Rd, Chinatown. Its a bar restaurant with open rooftop concept. But some renovations not finished yet. Kinda like the uniform. Casual smart and comfortable. We get to wear wrapped pants, those urban style? And yeah, we wear sandles while working! OHOH! Not forgetting that, wearing faux eyelashes is part of our uniform! HEHE! K wish me luck later on, working at 5pm later today. They're having soft opening.. Gosh... I have to remember all the names of the liquor.... zzz.. Chim...

Anyway, ytd night, went to watch Prince of Persia at Orchard with Michael and Justine. Yeah, nice movie! It was 2am ++ when the movie ended. So headed home after that..

Today i got woken up again. gg... Who got a nice and quiet place to lend me? I need to sleep PEACEFULLY. Seriously, waking up in the AMs is kinda disturbing.(At least to me.)

RAWRRRR! AND YAN IS GOING ESWC PARIS! KIMCHI! I WANNA JOIN U IN HER LUGGAGE!!!!

Destiny

2010-06-02T19:53:00.004+08:00

Updated my play list. I was very surprised to know that there's quite a few people who visits my blog just to listen the songs I've uploaded to mixpod.com Haha, same genre fans? Hi 5! I don't really go for the latest music or songs, as long as it is a beautiful, and i love it, I'd upload it. =) Music is like an invisible companion. It accompanied me through boring and lonely bus rides, train rides, walking, waiting.. Everything. Most importantly, music have been giving me mental support through these screwed situations. Ain't it amazing how a 3 minute song can actually sum up my whole life? I'm grateful.

And the above black and white photo of my pet Chihuahua, Odee Ong and I. We were ensconced in that sturdy black couch in the living room. Odee falling asleep like a little kid in my arms, my arm looked a little way thinner than it normally looked. I liked how my eye lashes stood out, it looked surprisingly outstanding. My nose looked high and pointy and that mysterious emotion which i really couldn't explain. I kinda like this photo a lot, other than the fact that it is a lousy quality photo taken by my cell phone's 2 mega pixel's camera.

I read Hua Yan's blog just now, she's so cute. Likes how she already thought of how to spend her pay which has yet to come in. So, i gave a thought about how am i gonna spend my pay too! Yeah.. And i already know what to do with it. But i wouldn't want tell what it is now..Keep it as a surprise! Clue? I'ld say, something painful? Haha..

'' Every life is a curiously rigged ship sailing on the oceans of eternity.

The seas continually rise and fall, storms of madness threatens ceaselessly.

And someday, i'll that someone, who's going nowhere, and we'll go there together.

In his deep waters that swells wouldn't threaten,

i'd then drop the anchor and burn the sails.''

What a beautiful piece of poem i've created. I mixed 2 poems into one. Eliza, gambatte yo!

I lived on this song.

2010-06-02T05:29:00.000+08:00

Every night, its only me and this song. Oyasumi..

To you, and only you.

2010-06-01T03:07:00.006+08:00

I wonder if this view looks familiar to you or not. But yea, i took this the 2 days before decisions were made. Well, i always know that there's a possibility of you going back to her, just that i didn't want to go think about it. Yeah, i some how i just knew it. I did not have an easy time, forcing myself not to break down. So many people, walking back and forth, the crowd, i tried so many times, so hard, not to drop a single tear. I always catches it before it starts rolling. My heart clasped, suddenly, everything seemed so bleak. I couldn't even breathe normally. Yet, i know i have to let you do what you want, i have to let you go, i have to some how find my own way to live all over again.

Do you think it is easy for me?

Do you think i already got over everything and already moving on the right track in life?

Do you think I'm happy these few days?

If you think i do appear happy and you're convinced, first and foremost, i wanna give myself a pat on my back. I deserved it, because i succeeded in not worrying the people who cared for me. I want to be worry-free.

Indeed, i don't know you, what makes me think i know what's going on? What makes me think that i know you? Indeed, i don't. However, one thing for sure, i never ever did judge you before. You're what you appear in front of me. I may not have the patience and coolness like Justin, i'm always very straightforward, like what Tammy once said, to the point where sometimes it turns caustic.

I can't do this alone. I don't understand why did you send me that sms for. I thought i was coping well, coping well with the sudden loss i had to face, trying to be cool with letting you go. Until you decided to message me something that...

My heart is not armoured with knight's shield, my heart is not made of steel. Frantic and afraid, what i'm doing now, right now, is to try my very very, ultimate best to ignore my reaction, my feelings. I'm trying my utmost best to protect my own feelings, my own heart.

You will never know how much it hurts when you simply brushed me off with some anger filled replies and smses which contained topics like as though i know zero about you. I felt awful. It is like, yeah, i tried to know you as much as i could, i tried to stick bits and pieces of stuffs you told me before and hopefully try to figure it out myself. Obviously you can't see it. Why not you just tell me?

Quoted from you-

"Don't judge a book by it's cover . There's a lot of meanings in the book, but you won't truly understand the story till you read between the lines ."

What if i don't understand the book's language? Are you willing to read it to me?

What if i'm blind, i can't see? Are you willing to read it to me?

I don't deny the fact that i wasn't thinking much when i said it is pathetic to not know what you really want. But do you know, that sms, could hurt me and her? She's a good girl, if you love her, treat her right, give her what she wants. She shouldn't be receiving all these.. She don't deserves it. I feel so sorry for her.

As for me, it should not matter to you, since you've already made a decision, stick to it. It is a decision for a reason. However, through this difficult time, i will always be here for you if you ever need me. You asked me before, and i replied you. My answer is still the same.

Its only a matter of whether you allow people to understand you or not. Open your heart.

Last but not least, gomen.. I shouldn't have raged at you.

For now, I`ll rather be ignorant. It isn't blissful but it is a less painful alternative. Only you can save me.

New Moon

2010-05-29T01:09:00.001+08:00

Oh yeah, i forgot to Facebook that there's a full moon hanging in the sky! I was walking home by that shadowy single lane path and all that attracted my attention was the bright cold silver moon. Looked so perfect and bliss.

Anyway, i woke up feeling energetic, yes, even though i only had like 3 hours of sleep, and i woke up at 7am! Met yan and kim at Bishan mrt and we took train there together! Thank god that i have these lovely girls to chat and gossip with throughout the journey to far far away Expo! Work was kinda boring................ Because first day there isn't any HoN compy. Kids everywhere. Dots..

Well, my day wasn't exactly what i expected it to be, however, i still manage to pull through the day. I met up a very nice friend who i only want to address him as Holy Bible! (at least for now) Thanks.. You really gave me a lot of mental support. I really appreciated everything. Thank you!

Things ain't as bad as it seems like when you don't sees it as bad as it is.

Tomorrow, when i wake up, i'm gonna be just me, Eliza. Nobody else, just so you wait and see! =)

MEOW!!!

Random, very.

2010-05-27T06:37:00.003+08:00

First and foremost, i wanna laugh at myself, for being that silly. I really got no idea how to categorize my life and the situation i'm in right now. A little out of the place, a little improper, a little quirky, a little emotional, a little nostalgic, a little bitter, a little sweet and a lot of saddening periods. See, how do you summarize that? 4 words, SCREWED TO THE MAX.

Lols... I'm glad that my Wednesday turned out to be spent in a rather meaningful and contented way. My secondary school friend, Vivian invited me to watch Sex and the City 2 with her as she got free tickets. She messaged me just as when i'm at the brink of giving up my frantic and crazy worries about how is time gonna pass by the next day(which is on Wednesday) and just end my emo-ful and tears filled Tuesday. The only think i can think of was to thank her, and said,"OMG! You saved me!" Well, at that instance, some how words like that can suddenly form into a sentence and i don't even think about whether she knows what i'm talking about. Haha, Vivian, i enjoyed the movie a lot, thank you so much. I'ld definitely make the effort to call you out soon! Thank you so so much. I really needed to do something and just put my mind away and do something pleasant like watching an awesome movie. Yeah, people, Sex and the City 1 is nicer but Sex and the City 2 is nice too! Worth watching! M18 =) I love Samantha! She's so frigging funny! LOL!

And yeah, i'm glad that at this period of time, i made new friends AGAIN! =) Very proud of myself. *Pats my own back* Friends are like major supports of oneself. I used to think that i don't need friends, but, this shitty situation of my puts me in a spot where i really needed friends and i extremely appreciate you guys. Like what Lux said, i got to try not to worry everyone by being so upset and negative always. Everybody is giving me mental support like sending inspirational quotes to my FB inbox and posting encouraging sentences to cheer me up. Woah, i was blown away. I know, i'm really sorry that i worried you people.

I never knew that making friends can be so easy.. Take for example, one fine day, I jioed DPM and Kelly out to watch Shrek movie together, DPM decided to ask Hengky along. We all met at PS and yea, had dinner together and movie and lan. That's it, we talked and all, and yea, instantaneously, i made a new friend. And tomorrow, i'm going out for dinner with my new friend, Hengky, together with Kelly! I'm proud of myself, proud for making the effort of being social. LOL... Anyway, if you're interested in joining us for dinner tmr, sms me or post of FB ok?

And not forgetting Frostedfire. (i know somewhere in your ID got numbers but, heck lar, lazy) I get to "know" frostedfire as an enemy when we knew each other existed. LOL, we were loggerheads. Till somehow, i DON'T KNOW EVEN HOW, like after 2 years or something, we recently miraculously became friends! Though he always suan me and say i lousy, but yeah, i know he don't mean it. HAHAHAAAA... Thanks ah, i know you always stalks my blog's music playlist and maybe you would read this. Thanks for trying to keep me off from thinking about emo stuffs. Sometimes i just wonder why people would spend such efforts, thank you for feeding with me in games. LOL, k i'm kidding about that. But yeah, do come back Sg soon. Anticipating Dempsy's Ben and Jerry's! You're like the first person who ever actually spent efforts in even thinking about what to do on my 20th birthday which is in about a month's time. Like going where and where, presents and all. LOL, PLEASE, DON'T BUY ME ANY PRESENTS! Dempy's Ben and Jerry's enough!

Actually for once, in my whole life, this is a first time i ever thought of how to spend my birthday. As in, having "back up plans" for spending it alone. I don't really have an exact full day scheduled plan, but i know i want to buy myself a super awesome triple chocolate cake, best with lots of mousse and super little cake, and request for 20 candles. HAHAHAHA, yeah people normally takes 2 big candles, but i want 20 cannot meh meh meh? And i can share my cake with my whole family, and i can have 3 wishes. =) Amazing yet weird, this is my first time which i actually already thought about what wish i would wish for. Usually, its either i don't have a cake, or, after the birthday song, i instantly thought of some well wishes and blew the flames. Meow, yeah, but that's like the late night time plan. I haven't really thought of my day time plan yet.

Well, i heard about Zilch from various people. Like how he has been and all. Seriously, i went to check his facebook's wall today and found out that he's like somewhat pissed off with me which i don't know why? Firstly, he was irritated, then sorry, then apologetic, then emo, then said stuffs like he'ld continue waiting and trying, missing me , thinking about me and suddenly, he's like saying that he's stupid and all and now he's pissed. WDF, seriously, maybe its better for you guys to not tell me anything. At least it won't make me think about it. YES, I'M AVOIDING IT CAN.

And recently, i got to know that there's this girl, who relates me in everything she says to this guy. For example...
Situation 1)
Guy: Hi, want dota?
Girl: Wa? Never play with Eliza meh? Go play with her la....

Situation 2)
Girl: Hi!
Guy: Hello! *starts up a brief convo*
Girl: You never chat with Eliza meh?
Guy: Wdf? Why you keep saying Eliza this Eliza that.
Girl: Aiya! I know she prettier than me la *continues ranting aimlessly*

OK, something like that happened. WDF? Seriously lor, what the fuck in your mind is with you? I ALSO DON'T KNOW YOU. And what has got my break up be of any part of concern for you? Fuck leh, you seems saddistic to me, emo people about another girl and unknowingly got jealous of a girl you don't even know and worse thing is that, I DID NOTHING AT ALL. FK, you like that guy then talk to that guy la, don't use me leh. Fk leh... Damn pissed. You know what? The 2 reasons why i'm not confronting you is because,
1) I don't want to put that guy in a difficult and awkward spot, since you 2 are so called friends or flirt mates or whatever. I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS THAT, scandal sounds wrong too. Yeah you get what i mean..

2) I figured it out that, girl, you don't deserve my effort in trying to make things right. Fk off and suck it up. I wouldn't ask you to get a life cause down here, i don't like what you just did. Its down right slutty. Jealously feasting on people's good point. Thus, i'm just gonna heck care and remotely mock at you. People at your age are already mothers, and seriously, you're like some blonde bimbos.

OH! Since i'm in the topic of evil and nonsensical people, i just realised that SNOWFLAKEFAIRY copied and pasted a whole chunk of my blog post to her blog. FUCK. If one day i see her in parklane, i sure go pull her hair and start a catfight. I'm fuckingly serious can. Her fugly blog post with her fugly photo and fugly everything. FUCK HER. I'm not gonna post her link her, not giving her FREE publicity. Stupid cancer-patient-look-alike. You know, i'm usually not that mean, but when your out there, purposely trying to make things difficult for me, i would pay you double. Like how i ruined your stinky reputation. Fag, get out of my way.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------
GAMERS!!! THIS FRIDAY, SATURDAY and SUNDAY, please make a trip down to Singapore Expo for LICENSE 2 PLAY event! KIMCHI, HUAYAN AND I would be working there at these 3 days! Come say hi and take photo with us la! View the gaming exhibits and there's HoN(Heroes of Newerth) competition to be held there! For more informations, navigate their website!

http://www.licence2play.com.sg/

how ah?

2010-05-25T22:14:00.000+08:00

Yeah, i'm blogging again. Twice in a day. Dots.. There's nobody who i can really talk to right now. So, basically, everything makes me wanna cry. Like watching Shrek, makes me cry, like listening to a song, makes me cry, like just stoning there and doing nothing and thinking about some stuffs, makes me cry. I cried while eating noodles, i don't know why, dots... I didn't want to, but yeah, some how tears just falls so naturally.

I really don't like this. Sigh........

For the past month, there's you to share my upside down life with, now, i'm alone again.

Time is passing so slowly, painfully slow. The blood curdling feeling, omgosh...............................

Tell me how to stop crying.

Not long not short

2010-05-25T14:10:00.001+08:00

Haha, we've walked a fair distant amount of time together. Braved through lousy and awesome emotions together. Really, i enjoyed my days with you. Now that is time to move on, yeah, no doubts i would miss such periods of time but yeah, i know your heart still belongs to her, do what you can, if you love her, don't make her cry. Give her what she wants, she only wants you by her side. =) All the best to your future endeavours.

Now, i need to pick myself up from a clean start again. I would describe it as a chore to do so, because, making a decision and following it ain't easy and simple at all. However, from somewhere within me is assuring me that things would get better. It is time to see the world and meet new great people.

Yeah, don't come here to read anymore. Don't look back.

And now... Who wanna date me out? Bring me out please? Thank you dpm and kelly for accepting my date. Ytd, i dated Kelly, dpm and hengky out to Plaza sing to watch Shrek! Ahahaha! 3D ok! It was awesome! Don't understand why people said it ain't worth watching it. ITS NICE! At least not some shitty movie. I like the dragon+donkey babies! How adorable! I love you girls! Thanks for making my day!

Loves! Lets have a date agn soon!

afterall, i'm still back to where i was.

2010-05-24T16:14:00.000+08:00

Silly me, i thought i've already moved on, to a new chapter in life. How silly, yet, i'm still here, right here, back to where i was. Surrounded by complex emotions and annoying situations which sometimes i can't even identify what the hell i did and what am i suppose to feel.

Some day, some where, i'ld find somebody, who's going nowhere and we'll go there together.

I'm feeling so screwed. People, can you kindly donate love and concern to me?

idk

2010-05-23T22:18:00.001+08:00

what's wrong with me? even a song can make me cry. Fk, i don't like this.

Me and just me.

2010-05-23T04:01:00.000+08:00

人，总是要失去才懂得什么是重要的，可贵的。两年半了，你现在才发现，现在才要对我好，要我原谅你，给我们多一次机会。你曾经伤害我那么深，现在你要我去那里找勇气来和你一起为我们的爱情奋斗呢？对不起，我真的无法也无能在忍受心灵的扽损伤了。上一次，是最后一次，我不想再为你掉眼泪了。说我自此也好，胆小也好。对不起，我真的真的办不到。。。

Yeah, how many of you actually understand what i've gone through? Through periods when i have to bitterly convince myself that things are gonna be alright even though i can't feel how is it gonna be proper. Through times when i packed my stuffs, stormed outta your house and braved the silent night near-by your place, covered in tears yet dearly hoping that you would call, but you never did. Through days when you gave me cold shoulders because you feel irritated by me asking you daily questions which you find it a chore to answer me. Through situations where i hope to share my life with you, my family, my friends, my team, my games, my interest, my woes, my problems, well, you always thought that since you're 5 years older than me, you experienced more of that i've been through. Through emotions when i remotely gets moody and upset and needed you to just listen to me, squeeze my arms, followed by a ginormous hug and sealed with a kiss... You're just not there. I always gets treated like this, and the only reason you gave was," We're adults, not like some kids' BGR, i have to work, i have things to do, i'm busy."

I never questioned about your love to me, i know it is something great and precious that i can't find it else where in others hearts. But, have you loved me the wrong way? I'm just like a pet bird, you love your bird, feeds me top grade grains and rice, but you don't play with it, you lock it up, you don't even try to pet it. But you still love it. However, where's my freedom? Where's the supposed love?

I know, i always knew that you love me, but, that isn't all. I can't sit here and be unhappy everyday, waiting for the dark and unknown future of us. I tried, i tried very hard to keep our love alive, i really did whatever i could as me, i tried so many times trying to talk to you, tried so hard making you understand, but it didn't work. Every time i tried talking to you, we would end up quarrelling and i have to spend my night, alone, trying to feel sleepy, feeling so so lousy and sad. The sourly feeling which engulfed my nose and guts, trying and trying extremely hard not to cry or at least stop crying. Tried even harder than anything else to convince myself that, i can continue leading this kinda lifestyle. I fought with myself, to sms/call him, or not to. I gave in every time. I couldn't stand the situation we was in back then. It was too heartbreaking.

Its like hoping for rain to come in a drought.

Thus, i've decided to give myself another chance of seeking for what i want-the comfort and right treatment. It was never easy, no words can describe this feeling. Yea, so continue thinking that i've long ago forgotten about the past, i don't love you any more, i don't want you any more, i don't need you anymore.

I can't be together with a man who can't dedicate part of his time for me.

I can't be in a relationship with a man who ain't interested in my life.

I can't bear to hurt my soul any further, it is time to protect myself, and give myself a chance to feel loved.

I just can't hold back the pieces any longer. I'm tired of hoping, tired of empty promises, tired of looking like a fool, tired of trying. Yeah, blame me all you want, that would be the last time you can blame me already.

You don't look stupid at all, why not ask yourself, how much do you really understands? I should be immune to people's blind assumption by now. 2 and a half years, time? We're just dragging, dragging on the account of time we've been together, just like how a dying man is depending on a life support machine and the only reason why he isn't dead is because he's still breathing. Just an empty shell, breathing.

Let me go, please.

How can i feel that it is OK?

2010-05-22T13:53:00.002+08:00

Sorry, i know i've been a mean and bad girlfriend. A girlfriend who gets pisses off easily in games and scolds you while i'm sleeping. Sigh..

Afterall that happened, i'm beginning to question myself, who am i?

Just feel that i'm not good enough for you. =(

I can't do anything else, please let me continue saying sorry to you.

Gomenasai..

Hais...........................

Yeah, my blog is flooded with emo stuffs and all, thanks for the people who showed concern towards the lousy me. Sigh... I'm feeling so lousy right now.

Stupid medicine, makes me feel like i'm a zombie, dead but "alive". Grr...

Ryuju, gomenasai. Sorry for what had happened. I hope you know i didn't mean to.

argh... after saying so much, i still feel so lousy and bad. Sorry...

Can you come up to me, and give me a tight hug, and tell me it is ok?

SICK!

2010-05-20T17:02:00.000+08:00

Gosh, yesterday night was playing match with my team and after barely 5 minutes, i couldn't tahan it anymore. Suddenly my body was perspiring and shivering like mad. Whole body felt very nua, like jelly. Luckily Ryuju took over me.

Today, coughs and sneezes engulfed me. I just sneesed 6 times in a row. =.=" Throat is getting itchier everyday. I guess i'm gonna go consult the doctor in the evening. Hopefully i'm in time for pms* training at 9pm later.

Blog later.......

Welcome Yan*

2010-05-19T17:33:00.002+08:00

HELLO! Before you read anything else, please click on PMS|Asterisk* LINK HERE! Let's all welcome HUAYAN back to our main line up! Wheee! Let's all improve and move forward together!

Alright.. I stumbled upon a phrase which i conveniently quoted it,

"Sometimes we need to stop analyzing the past - stop planning the future - stop figuring out precisely how we feel - stop deciding with our mind exactly what we want our heart to feel - sometimes we just have to go with the flow!"

Maybe it is time to try to let go. Don't think soo much and just do what i want. Thinking too much about being right or wrong isn't a solution afterall. I always thought that leaving the cock up situation is the fastest way and most effective solution. I always thought that if i do this, it is better for others. What am i to decide for what others wants?

I need to be less full of myself. Too much confidence? Maybe, perhaps. I know i disappointed and hurt you quite a fair bit. To think of it now, i'm feeling rather remorseful. Why can't i be looking at this situation in a more matured way like how you did? I always walks away from difficulties and obstacles, constantly searching for short-cut routes to solve puzzles. I always tells people to go away and leave the stupid, lousy and stubborn me alone. Alone with all these hurdles. I always wants to face it myself.

Since young, i always have this mentality that, i don't need other people in my life, i can manage everything on my own. I dislike accepting help from others. When things goes haywire, i can continue living on my own, without anybody's help. True to a certain extent though. Sometimes i wondered am i just being strong or just putting up a fake strong front? Am i true to myself or am i just deceiving myself, living in self-denial. Ya know, the mind is a powerful thing...

Hmm.. Always have this question in mind. But seems like only i can figure it out myself.

In a way, i'm glad that you actually spent so so so so much effort in trying to talk to me, not getting pissed off with me, giving me all your patience and attention even though i want to push you away and not accepting your guidance.

I hope i can become a better person after today.

God bless me..

I'm pissed because you don't know why. Fk it

2010-05-19T03:33:00.001+08:00

YAH, so, this person gets bm-ed by nirvanas and then he calls you to play for them and you did. And that person who got bm-ed said things such as," If i know she girl, i sure scold more." And you still think that it is ok to play for him. Completely disgusted can. Why is there discrimination towards female gaming players? Fuck all of you!

Yah, and you still have the cheek to ask me why i'm piss off ALL OF THE SUDDEN. HI!? If you ever stand in my shoes, what would you feel? Getting discriminated and continue supporting the discrimination without any complaints?

I should seriously wake my idea up man. What kind of person are you?

I despise all of you so so so so frigging much.

To that shitty fkin asshole wcgpro whatever nick name who got so called BM-ed by shygirl, SERVES YOU RIGHT! You should go home and fuck your mom upside down for her ill upbringing of yours.

Fuck man, i really feel like walking out of this place, i'm feeling so effing disgusted. URGH!!!! Mad pissed!

AND DON'T YOU DARE TO TELL ME YOU DON'T FRIGGING HELL KNOW WHY I'M SO PISSED. GOD, aren't there people who can actually understand? I thought you do, fuck myself for thinking that you would. Fuck.

A little confused here.

2010-05-17T21:24:00.001+08:00

Exactly, that is my current thoughts. It is kinda weird how human can be so clear about one thing and yet unsure about another.

Yesterday night was a difficult night. I allowed words to hurt me, which to think of it now, i was really stupid. After so many years of staying immune and paying zero attention to hurtful comments, why did i let this get into me? I will continue to build my defences and high walls, strengthening my mind and not allowing any of such nonsense to affect me again.

Too, i guess listening to others is a huge obstacle for me when i'm someone who strongly believes in my personal perspectives. But someone let me understand that, listening to other people's options may not be a bad thing, because ultimately, you still chooses your own path, whether to do what people adviced or stick to your original plan. Agreeable. I guess i was too stubborn, or maybe, still stubborn. (Like how i firmly refused to download DotA version e and d switcher, i'm a D user btw.)

Sometimes, i just likes to piss people off. Intentionally. I do not know why, but, yeah, being stubborn is my best way of pissing people off. LOL. Sounds terrible yeah? Time to loosen up.

Anyway, i'm very glad to be in Team PMS|Asterisk*. I wasn't in the main 5 when i first join them last year. I wasn't equipped with skills nor experience. However, my team mates really showed support like how they tried to give me advices in improving my playing skills, and yes, action speaks louder than words. They brought me along to overseas competitions to gain experience, watch the matches and replays and yea, bond together. I feel extremely blessed. How many teams actually does make these kinda efforts? I love you girls. ^^

To my Japerlion, i'm sorry to be a person filled with negatives and stubborness. I know i pisses u off quite a few few times like how i die die refused to download version switcher and not listening you out. Gomenasai.. I just need time to think over it. It is hard to accept other things when so many shitty things happened in my life back then. I can't let my carelessness hurt myself again. I hope you would understand, even if you don't, it is ok, cause anyway, it is just hopes. Gomenasai.. Very very sorry.

Mass Dota-ing on a Saturday!

2010-05-16T01:56:00.000+08:00

Had training with my lovely team in the noon till 8pm + and after that went for gosu dinner at Marutama ramen! Frigging nice and i had a single scoop of dark chocolate ice cream after that! AHAHAHA! Very satisfied! Training games were not that bad, kinda like the drafted heroes. (Y)

Headed over to Lei/Maki/Cafz's lan shop at Kallang/Geylang, Level Up. Still here.. Playing in house lan games. Feeling a lil sleepy~

KK BYE!

Kirai should stop saying that he is damn cute. =.=" He is cute only. Not damn cute. :P Kirai as Tammy's Cleavage guy, LOL

Last day of work at Martial Combat!

2010-05-14T05:10:00.000+08:00

Whoohooo! First and foremost! I GOT TO TAKE A PHOTO WITH OLE! OMG!!! I was saying i should have requested him to take off his shirt! His awesome and holyshit 8 packs with that broad shoulder and chest! The way he fought his way gloriously for his no.1 title and living up to his nick as Iron Fist! *SLURP* Superliciously HOT! OK, i think i need a tan soon. Everybody is saying that i am fair. Who wants to go Sentosa beach with me?

Working there is fun! Made new friends there, working with the other 5 girls was superb! Enjoyed working with them a lot! Well, the job was far more achievable than what i thought it was. We are the Ring Girls and we gotta pose behind this screen and spot light would shine and create a silhouette of our sexy poses. lol.....

K to be continued. Just finished 2 games of DotA, tired. and wtf... it is 5am. gg

My absence

2010-05-13T13:42:00.001+08:00

Hello! Do you guys miss me? Sorry for the hiatus, i was kind of busy this week. Well, for the past 2 days, i've been heading to Resorts World Sentosa to work as a Ring Girl for Martial Combat! It is an event where you get to spectaculate people fighting. So frigging cool earning money and at the same time, getting to be in the cageside to watch it live for free! And although it's uber cold and all of us have to dress up in just at halter tube and ultra mini skirt, i would honestly prefer working there than outdoors. Today is the last day at work!

Oh yeah, i met the Wing Chun martial arts master yesterday! Wheee! He gave me his name card! Haha! It was fun! Gotta work from evening till 11pm, thus, i gotta miss asterisk* training. Sigh, i feel so bad. Gomenasai.

No photos from the event yet, cause never bring my Lulu there. I'm bringing it today! I'll show you how magnificent the ballroom is and the awesome fighting ring and stage+run way! Wheee!

OK, i'm craving madly for Astons! Friday.... It is all Lux's fault!

And i enjoy playing DotA with Tatsuki aka xkirai! =) Thank you for letting me adopt Eyuko! E= Me, Yu=Ryuju and Ko=Neko! So, E+yu+ko = Eyuko! Cool right! AHAHHAHAHAA! Ok byebye, will update soon! Arigatou neh~

To my previous happiness.

2010-05-09T00:19:00.000+08:00

送给我曾经拥有的幸福和快乐。对不起，我没有勇气重新再来了。原谅我的自私。。。我会好好过，谢谢。我会快乐的。

daisuki dayo~

2010-05-07T00:26:00.001+08:00

Hi people, PMS|Asterisk* training just ended. Well, though we didn't win both the matches, but, yeah, that's how we learn from it. Quite a few changes too like team play, drafts, item built and roles. So, things are kinda unstable. Gambatte! See you girl at Game Haven on Saturday!

Meow... Other than that, Iron man 2 was kinda flat and draggy. And my days passed rather with ease thanks to the people around me. Thank you! And. yeah, i got my first soft toy from those arcade machines? The ufo-like claws that you can manoeuvre around. I got 2! Whooo.. Never thought i can catch anything from those money eating machines. Prawning is way better!

And i'm going for a photo shoot tomorrow morning! Whooo.. Gonna have nice photos again! Don't tell you what it is. Surprise, surprise! ^^

And to all the cbs in this world, read this:

Don't ever try to tell me what hurt is, have you ever felt what i went through? Ever felt my hope, then my disappointment and then the hurt? Don't try to educate me on what is love. I don't know, neither do you, and neither do i want to know. I rather live in denial, at least it at this instance, numbs the prickling pain. You said sorry, you said it's your bad, but, i don't see what you're sorry about. The hurt i gave you? All you think is yourself. It is MY TURN to give myself a chance to feel real.

You can say and think about all ugly things that you want, but, what do you know? You only assumed. So what? My life ain't yours to decide. Fuck off my life.

Night world.

lawl. this is good!

2010-05-04T04:12:00.000+08:00

[MsJovial*-Eliza] doing mud mask right now.... says:
LOL
see i promoted u
LOL

- tatsu ki .'' says:
lol

[MsJovial*-Eliza] doing mud mask right now.... says:
ur just like the beer
lOL

Haha! Kawaii neh! I was promoting him on Garena to some guy who claims that another guy is sexy. LOL! YES, I KNOW, IT IS UBER RANDOM! XD

And, my 爱美 days are back. Some how i've been spending a lot of effort dressing up, trying new styles of making-up and styling various hair styles. There's no ugly women only lazy ones! TADA! Pictures! You guys misses them right!? It has been such a long time since i posted photos! MEOW! IRON MAN 1 is nice. IP MAN 2 is the sex! IRON MAN 2? Haven't watch.. Waiting for that merlion to date me out........~ lalaalaa~

The first time (as of the group) we went for drinking and ktvign session at Boat Quay. WOootz.. Super high night. It'ld be difficult for me to forget that night! LOL!

Look at how gay they were. GAY as in BOTH meanings. LAWL! Of course, they're willing parties!

XM.... ^^ Swee bo!

And they lived happily ever after! =P

Check out my gosu hair colour! I love it to the max! Super nice right! Kirei! ^^

Yeah, i was talking about spending more effort and time dressing up. A good example, i curled my hair, tied it side ways and attached a rose clip to it. Gosu!

And look at my nails, i painted them and stick some nail stickers. Super vain...

Meowww~

Yeah.. Took many photos..

=) Kawaii?

i love my mummy and daddy and people who cared for me. Aishiteru yo~

2010-05-02T03:40:00.002+08:00

First and foremost, i want to thank my mum and dad for loving me these years. I always thought that they don't love me and don't understand me. But, yesterday, i was proved wrong. I felt so guilty and silly for thinking that way. Even though i did not even utter a word nor speak to them about my life, they knew everything. Wow... I cried so badly in front of them, and for the first time in my 19 years of life, i told them while half crying,"Mummy, Daddy, thank you..". They never objected nor disallowed me to do things, in a way or two, they supported me in which ever decisions i made. I felt so frigging bad for getting frustrated at them and neglecting them. My dad said he did all these because i'm her daughter, he would do anything for me. Omgosh.. I feel like crying again. I was so so touched.

And, to the people out there, my team, PMS|Asterisk*, thank you for all the care and concern you girls gave me. I enjoyed being with all of you, yes, all of you. I love you girls! Thank you for understanding even though i've been mentally and physically unable to attend trainings and all. Special thanks to Xiao Kim aka xkimchix. Thanks for being there for me. I love you! Thank you so much.

To my new friends, Justin, Lux, Xiao Ming, Michael, thank you for showing me so much concern. Thank you for talking to me and allowing me to share my woes with you guys. Thanks for remotely understanding me, even though we just officially got to know each in real life, i felt really thankful to have friends like you guys who cheers me up at this difficult period of my life and tells me everything is gonna be ok. In a way, i really love you guys too.

To the friends in my Facebook, thank you for trying to motivate me. Sending me links and quotes, encouraging me. I really really appreciate that. Thank you!

To my pet dog, Spinach Stick Odee Ong, i love my fur kid. He was cuddling all along beside me when i was crying so badly. He comforted me so much with his warmth and licks. I LOVE YOU ODEEDEE! (Even though you're fat and smelly..)

And last but not least, i want to thank my anata. Though we're both still in a screwed up and hay-wired mode, he's always there for me. Giving me unconditional support. Arigatou.. And i want to apologise to him for making him worried and hurt for me. Gomen nasai. Aishiteru yo~ <3

I'll start to pick myself up. One step at a time, at a slow pace. Though i know it ain't gonna be anywhere near easy at all, life still goes on. I will be a better person as each day passes by.

Thanks all.

Fool

2010-05-01T05:56:00.000+08:00

This is so dumb. I'm mocking myself for over-estimating me. What am i? What am i to you? Just a random girl who you know for 2 weeks.

Fuck myself. I don't care what other people thinks of me, a slut who accepts your comfort conveniently, i don't care at all. But i can't accept it in a way that you thought so too. You can say you love me, you really really do, but in what fucking ways are you showing it? By enjoying your time with another girl who thinks i'm a cheap woman?

I felt so used. Please, if you're gonna just seek temporary comfort within me, spare me. I had enough. I really can't take in anymore heart breaks and disappointments. Why nobody understands what i need?

I really don't know why am i self-pitying right now, i should just end my life.

xKirai- is not a MCity^Kirai(xMusiCa) wannabe.

2010-04-30T19:56:00.000+08:00

ATTENTION PLEASE!

Why is everybody saying that xKirai- is smurfing/trying to be MCity^Kirai aka xMusiCa? He is not. I'ld tell you why.

1) How did this nick-xKirai came about?
Answer: Kirai means hatred in the Japanese language and the user of this gaming ID is a Japanese named Tatsuki Ogawa. Why not Aishiteru? Because he kinda hated somebody last time...

2) Why is there MCity^Kirai?
Answer: MCity^Kirai aka xMusiCa happens to be xKirai-'s secondary school friend. They're very close friends, can be considered as best buddies or bff. xMusiCa likes the word Kirai, thus, he later on in life decided to use it too.

Clear enough? Don't assume leh, every time hear people telling me not to assume and yet they're doing so. WHAT IS THIS? =.=" Anyway, i blogged about it as a favour to him.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
OK NEXT POINT! Today, apparently there's 4 people smurfing my nick in Singapore DotA room 4. And i already got like 3 random pm. One was saying about how i was good at bming and stuffs and wanted to jio me to pk. WTH!? And the other one was saying how good my tiny was. I DON'T PLAY TINY. Omgosh.... I'm innocent. So, yeah, i was being smurfed. K bye.

Tonight gonna go chiong again. LOL...

Kids

2010-04-29T22:44:00.001+08:00

I really don't understand what is wrong with people. I apologised to the supposed opponents in behalf of my team, telling them that we're matching another team because they're 5 ready and not problematic and yet i can get blast at and people slandering me. How nice. If you missed out on that apology in game, too bad, don't assume. So what if you're blood related to that somebody? I don't see the linkage in the current situation now and can somebody tell me what is amusing about having red fonts in Garena? Fuck tards nowadays. Oh and, you told me to quit whining. HI? I didn't even have the chance to type anything other than telling you that we're matching another team because your f up team mate disconnected twice. RMB? I don't understand how people can create their own scenario and deem that this is what it is. Delusional. Very.

And when you said NVM, do you really understand what it meant? You said nvm already then you still can continue typing and bitching about stuffs. Extremely delusional.

I don't see that it is our bad for changing our mind to play with another team who are stronger, NOT PROBLEMATIC and probably we can get better experiences and perhaps learn something rather than playing a game which we know we would trash.

And to that guy, i really don't see the NEED to be back together if you took 2 years and 5 months to see what i am.(You said that). Chances? Now you're telling me that i'm at fault for not giving you chances? 2 years 5 months, not enough? 880 days not enough? Not enough time for you to see what i am? Not enough time to let you do what you could have done? Now that you're saying that you're a changed person, you love me a lot, you're determined to change, you would give me the attention i deserves.You already said those the last time i almost decided to leave everything behind and move on with my life. You told me that Jerrold(my previous ex) was not treating me right, and you was sure that you can treat me the proper way. Words. Talks. Voices. What are these worth? What is love worth? To me, your love for me and my love for you is just a feeling. Can you live with a feeling? Ultimately, if you do realise, it is just a feeling. Being together is a whole different thing. You always promise this and that. I was happy even though i kinda knew it is not gonna happen nor when it is gonna happen, i was even glad that you made that effort to even promise me though you didn't felt like doing so. Things like going for a short holiday, months went past, i asked every month when are you free? When can you give me 2 days of your fucked up life, you said you're busy. Am i not worth even 2 days of your life? But, trust me, if money can buy your time, i would. Things like annivasaries, valentine's day. You said you didn't have any plans nor planned to have any plans because your not that kinda person who surprises people. You can be, if you want to. You even chided me for asking questions, questions like,"Where are you? What are you doing?" I want to feel like i'm included in your so called 'hectic' lifestyle, i want to know how you're doing. You can scold me and get fuckingly irritated for me asking you these kinda normal questions. In the middle of the night, i'm worried that you're hungry, i cooked Japanese curry rice for and took a cab down to your work place. I told you to eat it now while it is hot, you scolded me for telling you that twice. Nice or what? That apple strudel shop, i waited, waited, and continue waiting. You said you would bring me there when you have time. WORDS again. I had enough of waiting, and feeling gullibly hopeful.

Hopes which turned into disappointments. I don't see the point of being together if you have to force yourself to do things which you're uninterested in doing.

Gosh, i don't know what i did to my 2 years + of my life. Fuck my life. Seriously, fuck it. Everybody, please leave me alone. Go away..

The day i thought i'd never get through, i got over you.

2010-04-28T00:24:00.001+08:00

I love how Chris Daughtry sings his song, Over you. Yeah, i thought i would never ever get over you, but i guess this time, i'm really am.

I don't want to hear how apologetic you are, how regretful you feel, how sad your days were, your realizations. I don't want to know nor understand them anymore.

Yes, i was upset and emo about it at the first place. But the more i think of it, i'm getting more pissed off. The enormous and frustrating question-WHY ON THE FUCKING EARTH DO I FUCKINGLY HAVE TO MAKE A DECISION BEFORE YOU CAN FINALLY FUCKINGLY REALISE THAT YOU'RE FUCKED UP? Why?

Why can't you contemplate better? So many times, so many chances, so many scenarios, so many episodes. Why now? Why you have to take me for granted till the end? I always said you're taking me for granted, simple things like having the fucking basic courtesy to return me my calls and when i called you back after 4 hours, you can fuckingly scold me for irritating you while your BUSY PLAYING GAMES and you THOUGHT that i would fuckingly know what you meant.(Which he remotely meant after he have done playing all his games like after 6 more frigging hours.) Hey, this, is what people, called TAKING PEOPLE FOR GRANTED. To think of it, i was really dumb and stupid to even feel a lil guilty for intruding your "free" time for playing games.

FUCK YOU AND FUCK MYSELF. What a cb i was. WHY DIDN'T I STICK TO MY BLOODY DECISION THE LAST TIME WHEN I DECIDED TO PACK MY THINGS AND LEAVE YOU. All you did was hurting me longer and more and more each day.

Yes, i'm VERY agitated. And some fucking assholes who came by my facebook and left non-constructive comments followed by HIS nonsensical point of view. HI!? I don't need to know your fucked up life and your screwed personal preference and perspective ok? Don't fuckingly tell me as though you know everything in my life. Seriously, you should FUCK OFF MY FACEBOOK AND GO FUCK YOUR MOM. CCB..

What is wrong with guys? You expect girls to follow suit your fucked up lifestyle and demand them to change FOR YOU? (In the above mentioned fked up guy's point of view, he said yes, CHANGE FOR YOUR LOVED ONES) CB, i would spell it out BIG AND CLEAR WHAT IS A CB. CHEE BAI! <---- This is for you. What you guys know about girls other than having brains only at your penis? You guys have no fucking rights to tell me what i should and should not do. I would seriously punch your balls out if i see you on the streets one day.

Of course, having a change is not necessarily a bad thing, BUT, not when you give up who you are and change UNWILLINGLY for your so called "LOVED ONES" Love? Don't make me mock at you even more. You're totally a joke. A change is only good when you are changing for the better. (Having ginomous fake boobs and relevant stuffs like these doesn't counts.)

Leave me alone, i'm not somebody who you HOPED that you can take control and transform me into what you desire. Take it or leave it.

time to feel real.

2010-04-25T04:52:00.001+08:00

I guess, it s time to get a new tattoo..

Good morning!

2010-04-24T09:53:00.004+08:00

おはよう! Hello! Feeling a little more refreshed as i finally get to sleep early and wake up early. Slept at 11pm and woke up at a great 8.30am! Though i got woken up by i don't know what in the middle of the night, i still get quality sleep as for the past few days, i could barely sleep for 4 hours each day. Thus, for that, i'm grateful and slightly happier.

And i just watched Eclipse's final trailer! It looked super awesome with lotsa action! Wooo! Hopefully the movie turns out nice. Showing in the theaters on 30th June 2010. WHO WANTS TO WATCH WITH ME! PLEASE SEND IN YOUR RESUME via facebook. LOL!

I woke up to a piece of good news 2 days ago that i'm chosen for Chic Magazine's Chic girl of the day. Chic Magazine is SG's no.1 selling magazine right now!!! You can get them at parklane's Fairprice! LOL I saw them there. So confirm have. AND, i need votes. And many of my friends have already voted for me AND if you haven't done so, please please pleASE PLEASE help me vote!

1stly, to vote, please join as a Chic Magazine fan at this link http://www.facebook.com/chicreaders and after you have done so, to give me the vote click on this link http://www.facebook.com/elizaong?ref=profil...e#!/photo.php?pid=5514083&id=96921045375 and click LIKE(at the bottom of my photo) THANK YOU! MUACKS!!!

Met Kimchi at Bugis' arcade yesterday night and i gaved her a big hug! Whooo! I ate her 'tofu' ! LOL! I'm sure she wouldn't mind! HAHAHAA... I feel for her. Really.

My Saturday's itinery-2pm at Game Haven @ Clark Quay for PMS|Asterisk* training. Dinner with the girls after training and 9pm, movie with a handsome guy. SONG BO!

I've been missing out so much fun all these times. WHERE WAS I?! Goodness, i think i'm going bonkers and crazily high.

BYE PEOPLE!

空の中心

2010-04-21T23:26:00.001+08:00

Morning, i felt like this, managed to get past afternoon not feeling empty, now, night time, i feel like a walking corpse.

Sigh.........

I really don't know why am i feeling so dejected. Sometimes i really hoped that 2012 is the end of the world.

Nevertheless, i want to thank the person who has been giving me mental support at these shitty times of mine.

そんなにありがとう!

And now... I just want to emo myself to death, emo songs, emo till i fall asleep.

i can only do nothing.

2010-04-19T22:22:00.000+08:00

你曾说我每次面对问题时，只会想要逃跑。但是，我唯一能做的，只是能跟你说我为什么不快乐，我只能跟你说我想要的。我只能够用说的，除了说，我还能做些什么？

我只想要多一点你给我的时间。我知道你忙，但是，我不忙不是罪。

我想，这一次，我会比较自私一点。原谅我。

Why am i here?

2010-04-19T10:26:00.001+08:00

我的心情，就像是现在播放的歌曲。。。刚刚和一位新交的朋友谈天。说着自己爱情的路程，说着说着，心情变得很复杂，很多疑问。我有很多没答案的问题，好久了。。。

我常常问我自己，这是我始终想要的生活吗？虽然你常常对我说，“不要想太多，我已经很满足我们现在的关系。”但是，我的那些没答案的疑问，要谁来填补呢？我心里一直很不安，不知道这是不是我应该做的。让你过你想要的生活。但今天，我终于问我自己，“那我呢？这是我想要过的生活吗？我快乐吗？“

其实，我没有你想象中的那么幸福和快乐。我想要对你说的，你会用心的听吗？我是不是很傻？一直希望有一天你会给我多一点温柔，多一点时间，多一点微笑，多一点关心，多一点细心呢？

我也是不是很害怕过新的生活？我会不会太依赖你了？我是不是害怕放弃我所拥有的熟悉，寻找自己的陌生的幸福呢？我看不到我的未来，好可怕。。。

怎么办呢？神啊，救救我吧。。。

i'm letting all my heart take the lead. Silly? or?

愛はである何?

I need new hair!

2010-04-17T23:38:00.002+08:00

Time for a change of hair colour and a new set of fringe. This half long half short fringe is killing me everyday. Wth........ SUCKS TO THE MAX OK!

My point of view, as a consumer/user.

2010-04-12T23:04:00.003+08:00

I really do feel the need to voice out some uncertainty and uneasiness regarding unprofessionalism. As of below, the phrase, or a rather unethical reply entry by a moderator from a famous gaming forum-Garena.
(Please do take note that i do not have any problems with the mentioned moderator in private.)

"Topic closed.

PM, which means private message, which also happen to means that whatever things in PM, should be keep private, just for the both of you, regardless what he said or how you replied him.

At the same time, you are not much better from him since you decide to post this up in the forum. He was childish to make that threat to you and you are too, childish enough to take such childish threats into your heart and even posted here.

Regards,
GG.JaSon"

Taken out from source : http://www.garena.com/forum/viewthread.php?tid=748632&extra=page%3D1.

As this is a personal point of view, also as a feedback from a user/consumer, thus, i did not create a new thread on Garena Forum itself.

Lets skip away his English errors such as having wrong present and past tenses and usage of words which i high-lighted. But, my main point ain't about correct usage of languages. There's something more important.

Should a Garena moderator state how he feels and comment on people being childish publicly base on how he personally felt? Sentences such as,"He was childish to make that threat to you and you are too, childish enough to take such childish threats into your heart and even posted here." was really bad. It was completely unethical to give non-constructive yet single sided(in this case, he was siding his[moderator's] point of view) replies.

Since young, i've seen safety advertisements on various sources like television, buses, bustops etc... And there's a really good phrase which i find it makes a lot of sense-Low crime doesn't mean no crime. Look, there is a person, who is publicly threatening YOUR client/user. And is that(nonsensical reply) the best you can do to protect your own consumer? From what i saw, this particular Garena moderator totally dashed that out. You can at least give out warnings to the user who threatened on YOUR platform or ask him to post it at a more appropriate section of the forum. If your moderator did something useful, i'm sure the thread as on above would not surface at all.

Threats are not childish at all. They're serious matters.

As a long time and frequent user of Garena, I do seriously hope that Garena can have better staffs or at least educate them on what they should and should not do.

If by any chance Garena wish to clarify with whatever matter which i posted, you can e-mail me at
elizaong@live.com

Differences and abnormalities

2010-04-09T16:17:00.000+08:00

Hi world! I've been occupied with over a few stuffs like studying, mapling and trainings. I just covered 3 whole chapters of physics. Feeling rather proud of myself. I'm gonna start my mathematics tuition over at a tuition centre at Bishan St 22, Grace and Joy tuition centre. I went there when i was schooling in primary school and secondary 1. Hmmm, i guess i will be the odd one outta the whole lot who have absolutely neat and black hair and they should be like 3-4 years younger than what i am. Not forgetting tattoos. OH WELL... But that point is just like about 5% of what i'm worrying about. The other 95% is about how am i going to catch up with others. Mathematics is really like a foreign thing to me, lacking of cohesion. I hope i can catch some balls understanding it in the group tuition.

OK, now next point. The universe is different, people growing up at different paces, having day and night at different allotment of the world, possess different religions, laws, perspective and so many more... When there's such concentrated amount of diversity among people, there is bound to have friction and disagreements. Some people might choose to voice their displeasure, regardless in a harmonious way, productive way or bullheaded way. There's also a portion of people who would choose to keep silent.

I would say that i have my own way of perspective. Take for example, a game of DotA. For me, if i'm not enjoying it, i would not hesitate to quit the game. Whereas, for my team mates, they believed in continuing the game till it ends, they do so because they have the perspective of having chances of winning as long as the throne is not down yet. Not that i do not accept that way of thinking, i do, but there's always this idiosyncrasy that i have which let me realise that it doesn't makes much sense in continuing it.

(Do note that this is not a debate on quitting games half-way or not. This is just a common problem i have with the majority of people. Just like people who sees bisexuals or trannies.)

I met a player in Garena yesterday who called me a noob(which is rather true) because i quit a game after a player commented angrily on what i did with a pugna. And i told him my philosophy. He replied," If everybody like you, then, everybody will quit liao lor!?" Yes! That is really right! Not as in what he's saying. You realise the word 'IF'? Thus, in the real world out here, there's no IF. And nobody is alike, stop if-ing. I can say if i'm Bill Gates' wife, i will not sell softwares to noobs. IF, 'if' works, then nothing would be impossible. Get it? People just don't realise differences and expected everyone else to be like themselves, to feel comfortable and happy. Well, i have a friend who talks very bluntly, she have this weird habbit of getting jealous and pissed off easily. But, after much storm, we came a long way to what we are right now, friends. I accepted her as a friend, as a person who is just what she is. Of course every now and then i would try to help her becoming a better person and all. But a leopard never changes its spots. It is difficult to accept somebody the way they are. So, in other words, not everybody will be leaving games as i do. I'm still trying to accept my mates' perspective.

Now, abnormalities. I suppose this word is only suitable for people who are abnormal physically.(Other than those whom doctors diagnosed cases of mental instability) I think that nobody is abnormal mentally. They just think differently. People like Dustbunny and SnowFlakeFairy. And i don't find it shameful for me announcing that i'm unable to accept people who are thinking like these people. I still live by my rule-You can't make everybody likes you.

And i'm really thankful and glad to have a friend like kimchi, she's more than a team mate to be honest. She's the only person so far, for such long period of time, a person who can actually tell me my flaws straight to my face. It feels good to be treated truthfully. Thanks kimmue!

K, i'm hungry. And if you maple, and want to be kind and donate me mesos or items, add me in Bootes, ahjojojo.

Itsa zero make-up day.

2010-04-06T04:35:00.000+08:00

I've been sleeping a lot. GOSH... I need some test papers for me to do! And these couple of days, i've been in deep contemplation whether to cut my hair and fringe or not. This ultra annoying fringe of mine is hanging down on my face for a few weeks already. It is nowhere short nor long. ARGHHHHH! It is irritating me big time! HOWHOWHOW? Maybe i should just go to the salon and ask for opinion. Hmmmm... Also, it has come to my realization that, i didn't have a hair cut for 6 months already. Cool~ I shall go trim my hair, it is becoming unsightly. Weird looking hair of mine.

And today i got no make up on. Like woah... It has been super long ever since i went out without make-up. So, to commemorate this day, i took some photos of me! ^^

LOL with my pink hair rollers! Yeah, fyi, i was just trying out a tutorial i watched on youtube on how to curl medium length hair. Yea! Korean perm! I'm so into korean culture right now! I love their food, drama and i've always like korean pop dance! I'm thinking of taking up korean mtv dance classes after watching Park Shin Hye's Satisfaction dance. It was gosu! K, again, money.... Sigh... I'm still on a 8 month loan from my sister who paid for my laptop and i'm suppose to pay her every month. I'm on 2 tuition which costs a bomb.. And because of that, i stopped my violin lessons. ARGH! GOD! Let me win April 7th big sweep ok! *PRAYS SUPER HARD*

OK, ugly and untamed hair. Sucks to the max. =( HAIR CUT, HERE I COME!!! OH yeah, and i'm on this study plan everyday. Compulsory for me to study at least 6 hours a day and 2 hours for revision at night on what i learnt. Cool..

And i did mention that i wanted to make onigiri right? Onigiri is japanese rice ball. It is not exactly sphere shaped, it is triangular! I tried making 2. I nom-ed the first one and that is the second one. Too difficult to make. I need to go daiso buy the onigiri shaper. That's tuna, crabstick and mushroom cheese! Special eh? =)

These are the first items which i bought from gmarket! I'm a big fan of scrunchies!(fluffy big hair ties) Each at only 80 cents! So cute right! I'm still waiting for my shorts, tees, fluey japanese hair tie and today i bought 1kg of kimchi from gmarket at $10.92!(Yes, gmarket sells food, electronics, cosmetics, men's apparels etc too!) Loads of good recommendations from the buyers. There will be delivery man who delivers the kimchi to your door step! YAY! I'm always happy when there's kimchi! nomnomnomnomnom~ Yeah, the real xkimchix aka msblitz too! LOL~! 愛してる！

Hehe, a humongous photo of my Game Haven(PMS|Asterisk*) LAN sponsor membership card! So adorable right! Very customized! I like it a lot! It has got our PMS|Asterisk*'s logo, my name and gamer id printed on it! Hehehehe! The * behind my id looks like a starfish! Loves! だいすき！

　　おはようございます！

Loves GMarket to the max!

2010-04-05T04:59:00.000+08:00

HI! I was mapling. LOL.. I think i'm quite good at solving computer errors. I was installing Maplestory and apparently the file was unable to open. So i went to view on some forum to look for solutions and some people suggested disabling AVG as avg list maple as virus. =.=" lame....... So i tried and it worked! Whoohoo!

Since yesterday, i have difficulties in breathing. I don't know why. I had the worst taxi ride ever, i felt like dying. Hmmm.. Signs of fatigue?

And back to the point of my post title, YES! FYI, i have been shopping A LOT at gmarket.com.sg They have a Japan and Korea site too. I found this blogshop owner who actually holds spree in the Korea and Japan gmarket! But i'm not ordering anything from her yet since the product i wanted is kinda expensive. So... Saving money in progress...

I was reading this blog http://www.myfatpocket.com/miyake/ and she was blogging about some blogshop which sells korea fashion stuffs. I went to the blogshop to check the price of the navy striped tee with pocket, the one that she's wearing. It is selling at $25 lor! WTH... So expensive. I said expensive because i saw the exact same one at gmarket and i just purchased it at $7.80 including postage! HAHAHHAHAHAHAA! Only stupid people buys at such store.

You might be thinking like what xiao kim is always worrying and concerned about, the liability of the blogshop. Like scams, product quality fail etc... But the best thing about gmarket is that, each seller has got their own section of reviews from buyers. If i'm not wrong, it is compulsory for buyers to give a review after each purchase. So if the seller has got lousy, not recommended reviews, then, simple, don't buy from them. I really like their stuffs, cheap and worthy!

K, i shall continue training my maple character. I'm in bootes, msmojojojo. New character. It took me 3 hours to level it to level 17 and i'm currently level 19. I'm an Infighter! Pirate ftw! KK BYE!

I shall re-emphasise how much i dislike playing certain heroes.

2010-04-02T03:09:00.001+08:00

I shall make a vow, from today onwards, Eliza Ong Jie Zhi will not play any game which requires her to play the 2 heroes stated below:

1) Tide Hunter

2) Pugna

I will rather quit playing DotA and become a nun if i have to go through the sufferings and anger playing these heroes.

Get it?

Damn, frigging pissed. Noisy kids are fucking irritating.

Anyway, i found a picture of me taken during Shang Hai for Steel Series. I like the way my hair swayed to the direction of the man-made wind. The photo shoot coordinators were holding electric fan. I like the colour of my eye too! I think it is time to trim my hair. It is getting out of shape. No shape at all. It looks messy and untamed. But i'm not cutting my fringe. For once, i don't want bangs. My hair is growing long.... So fast...

And today played 3 games at aedl, played against full Ftz, won that somehow.. Lose to 4/5 xlo+seabear and lose to mski.

I have the urge to buy leather bags. Kimchi is craving madly for korean shoes. Game Haven tomorrow as my working girls have off since it is a public holiday.

Kinda disappointed cause today didn't get to go Supperclub. =( Oh well.... Hopefully Saturday we can go BirdPark LOL! Night people.

Last but not least, my boyfriend is crazy. He can become a deity, 2 days don't need sleep, reach home still can play HoN. Wtf... What kinda lifestyle am i suppose to live with such person. Sometimes i really asked myself is this what i wanted. But till now, there's no definite answer to it. Kinda frustrating. Urgh....

If i were to look on a brighter side of life, me, drowning in my preparation for exams, after this year, perhaps i'ld just go abroad to study. So sick of the life in Singapore. I need a new destination, i want to explore new things, i want to experience new things. My sis is going New Zealand next year for her Embalmment university course, perhaps i should go live in another spot of the world.

Sigh............................................ Have you ever thought of what is your dream?

The flavour of life

2010-03-31T19:05:00.000+08:00

Today, i finally finished watching Hana Yori Dango season 1 and 2. It was kinda nice. However, i was hoping that Domoyouji（道明寺）can be more man. Makino Tsukushi chan(杉菜) in Hana Yori Dango have the best character out of the other versions of Meteor Garden. She displayed the "weed's spirit"(杂草的精神) very well. Maybe because her punch on Domoyouji was so gosu~ Love the Jap songs too~ My current blog song is playing Hikaru Utada's song-Flavour of life.

Oh! Not forgetting my favourite character of Hana Yori Dango, Hanazawa Rui(花泽类)! He have this super cool boy look and such gentle smile. I'm gonna watch Hana Yori Dango Final movie later!!! Hehe happy!

Anyway, i was so pissed yesterday night. Remember the kimchi i bought? I got home and found out there's only 1/200 of it left sitting in the fridge. Wth... Yes, it meant 3-4 tiny and limpy pathetic pieces. =.=" Urgh............. Damn irritated and pissed. Luckily my mom made some for me. Not kimchi, but seasoned vegetables. Sigh... Guess i would have to go down to the Korean Mart to get some more kimchi.

And i wanted to go Supperclub tomorrow for the Redbull event. Very good deals for ladies and gentlemen. As it is Supperclub's ladies night, ladies will get free entry and 3 free drinks, free flow of jagbomb throughout and for gentlemen, there's a one for one deal! I almost confirmed to go but i just remember there's training tomorrow. =.=" HOW?!

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Zoo trip last Sunday was tiring yet fun. Age is catching up?! But i'm barely even 20! Zomg... I need to get my body fit. Need to work out to have better lungs and heart! Lazy to upload photo, will do it next time.

Till then~

Tiring yet contented day

2010-03-27T02:25:00.000+08:00

I never ever did want to recognise the fact that winning a dota game would bring me such satisfied amout of happiness.... Till today.

As usual, i entered a DotA game hosted in Singapore room 5 and automatically switched from sentinel to scourge. Yeah, FYI, room 5 games are usually hosted and have their allies joined by friends. I was alone but couldn't careless, i just want to play a game and hopefully, yes, very hopefully, try to test out item builds and win it. I got this sudden craving to test out x2 battle fury for faceless void. My scourge team were all individual players and as usual, we got owned for half of the game. (Friends catches) I just continued farming and aiming opponent's sniper which don't have a lothar. And up my threads, battle fury, mask of madness, battle fury... And as we continued pushing out and winning engages due to my chrono and cleaving damage, i up my butterfly and got too lazy to sell my magic wand for other items. It worked pretty well. My in-game mates were all very nice and cooperative. It just feels good, not an everyday encounter. These people made my day!

I get to go to the Koreanmart at Bencoolen street and bought my Kimchi, korean noodles, chocolate biscuits and drinks. Bought a can of korean green tea for Xiao Kim too!

And i get to meet my baby zilchy for a while. I'm happy too. I'm very happy that tomorrow is Saturday! A day for me to meet up my favorite PMS* girls! They always makes my day no matter what. I'm extremely happy and looking very forward to meet this girl tomorrow. =) You know who you are!

Awwww... And i have my dwaeji tokki to hug every night. I'm frigging contented today. (Y)

Good night beautiful world!

Some people are just like that...

2010-03-26T14:42:00.000+08:00

As of my above title, however, it is not equivalent to having to accept everybody. Some people do things for the sake of doing it out of their own position which they're taking responsibility for, too, they apologises just for the sake of apologising. Anyway, he is INFAMOUS for doing certain stuffs which i'm sure that i don't have to render informations to anybody. Other things which is irrelavant to that incident, that you did, and you thought that it is normal or it's ok, NOT. *Shrugs*

Usually i would just blast everything i have to say here, but i'm trying to curb my actions and be responsible for them, thus, since you apologised. OK. Fine.

Yeah kids, listen up, if it is your fault, accept it and just purely apologise. By accepting that it is your fault, and when you apologises, never give reasons for your fault. It would not hurt me in anyways since it's a false statement, however, it seriously irks me ginormous time.

So, if i were to base this incident on my above perspective, what does your apology meant?

Period.

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I woke up late to meet Fynn. Dots... Postponed to Sunday. I'm using Blogger's new editor, OK, maybe not NEW but yeah, it is the latest. I just realised there isn't a spelling check option, but there's this gosu image insertion options and you can resize it on the the spot. Cool, easier way for me.

I was in a taiwan/korea/japan-drama-deprived mode yesterday night and suddenly remembered that 小Kim said Hana Yori Dango was nice. Went to watch it. Omg... So Taiwan's 流星花园 totally copied and pasted. But i prefer Jerry Yan as Dao Ming Si!

Yesterday, I did my nails why waiting for Kode 5 to start.

Wheee Super large photo. I LOVE IT! Base was in transparant pink with glitters and i stuck some rhinestones on them. =) Look so sweet right!

A closer look at them!

A look at my JANG GEUN SUK desktop wallpaper! HEHEHEHEHEHEHE! OMG! He is coming to Singapore in a week's ++ time! HAHAAAA... Too bad, i did not purchase his fan meeting tickets. But i would be watching him on youtube and forums! ^.^ ^-^ Talking about Jang Geun Suk, i re-watched You're Beautiful! Hehe... This time to watch things which i previously mass fast-forwaded.

I LOVE Youtube loads! I was some how randomly navigating through youtube and got linked to a awesome tutorial on how to modify a t-shirt. Thus, i decided to try it out! Do-it-myself! OK, above was my original T-shirt which i'm gonna cut it up. A BEFORE picture of my tee.

Above image is my AFTER! As you can see, it is a over-sized t-shirt which became the reason why i sacrificed it to cut it up! And i hate the colour! However, wearing it looks different from not wearing too!

Weaving details and i sew on a rhinestone button at the end of the weavings. Used part of the cut up clothe to tie the sleeves area. Created a almost off-shoulder look!

A closer look at it~

I also cut a plunging V-shape for the back. =) Love it! Next up, i'm gonna try the corset style modification! Can't wait!

Bye~ Gonna meet my baby zilchy zeechy later! Mad happy!

My tweety Tuesday~

2010-03-24T02:00:00.002+08:00

I'm currently listening to Jerry Yan's new songs! Oh god, i love his genre of music. He is so hot and his smile is just so cute! I'm seriously considering whether to buy his album or not. =)

Spent my afternoon studying till late evening. Thanks people who helped me out with my queries in Facebook! If you forgot or didn't know, i'm retaking my O's for Mathematics and Chemistry/Physics. Chemistry is still manageable. I just need to find back my long lost memory skills. Understanding chemistry is a bit crazy. Physics is still ok. Maths is screwed. I need tuition!

And while i was studying(i always studies at the Study Corner at the void deck), this evil, big, fat and black mosquito landed on my thigh and started to do its job. Being more evilicious, i slapped it as hard as i could with all my might. Eweeel. It died.

Anyway, we just played against our sister team, PMSki. Their interviews are on Mym and Gosugamers. They're REAL girls. Unlike some..... Not gonna be so obvious but i think i'm obvious enough. They have really good back-dooring skills.

Time to buck up with everything. Meow..~

Packages arrived!

2010-03-20T01:08:00.005+08:00

Yay! My online loots arrived at my house today! I was extremely pleased and excited! Tore off the envelope agitatedly, of course in an excited manner! I'm gonna let the photos do the talking

Odee Ong likes to sleep on my laptop bag. He was chewing his dog bone...

HAHAHA! I spent a few minutes off my studies and drew this! Go Min Nam and her pig rabbit! The clothing of her was the most difficult part to draw.

Woo~ My Passion EZ-Link card finally arrived... After 3 and a 1/2 months of waiting. Liars... They said it will only take 2 months. 2 months is already super long liao lor. Can't they be more efficient. Dots.

My Beauty Diary's Chocolate Limited edition mask! Tried using it just now, not bad, smells very like chocolate on your face! I was so tempted to eat it!

K, apparently this is quite a hot item online. It is to absorb or repell radiation given out by our electronic devices such as cell phones, cameras.... I pasted it on my LuLu, inititally wanted to stick it on my cell phone but no space liao...

Bumbpits, mascara applicator and the sticker! They're on sale! Almost half the price!

好听的歌！

2010-03-19T00:17:00.002+08:00

上个星期看了一部台湾偶像连续剧，就像赖着你！真好看！很可爱!

Love the songs too.. OK, Thursdays has got no trainings.

I want hug hug leh.......

Anyway, next week, me and xiao kim(kimchi) going Jurong Bird Park, anybody want go too?

假惺惺，虚伪！我最讨厌了！

2010-03-18T02:11:00.003+08:00

有些人就是那么霸道，这么蛮不讲理。现宣布没脑的判断，过后又是你宣布自己没脑的判断是错的。干嘛？闲着没事做嘛！超无聊的。

Weird people nowadays. Sabotaging their own intelligence by adding their weird philosophy behind their ownage statement. Wtf are you? What's wrong with you?

如果你有心要伤害我，我再怎么好，对你而言，不管我做什么，都只是你下手伤害我的原因。难道不是吗？你存心想要伤害我的。

不管了。操你妈妈！If i'm wrong, i would only be wrong for not apologising and not accepting your uncouthness and ugliness.

Stupid people.

Good Training

2010-03-17T02:07:00.006+08:00

2010 CNY @ Qing's.

感觉得到吗？这一种平凡又简单的幸福，有淡淡的甜味，很舒服又温心的感觉。。。

真叫人欣慰啊。。。

在这一种孤独的深夜里，别忘了还有我，我会为你撑伞，帮你点亮你的黑夜，不用害怕！

啊！好吃的汤圆！猜猜是谁做的呢？哈哈！当然是我啦！看起来超可爱吧？有白色和粉红色的！小小克。。。赞！

再煮汤圆的过程。。。

大家好！让我来介绍我的新朋友！猪兔！如果有看韩剧的人，大概会知道这是从哪里来的吧！

他软软的！耳朵也可以弄不同的形状！可爱吧？=）

超好用的面膜！-我的美丽日记！这是草莓酸乳酪的！哇！不错嘛，我的华语还算及格! 大家都看得懂吧？

我开心的样子！很有满足感的样子！^^

他的 tag!

有时我！和猪兔的耳朵！

头发茬了一朵红玫瑰！

钱来了！

头发有一点日本的style!

讨厌啦！哈哈哈哈！开玩笑而已啦！！！

Whooohooo! Hi!!!! K, i don't know why i'm so hyper at this hour. I just uploaded lotsa photos! Severely overdue ones and fresh ones! ^^

OH YAH! I'm a huge fan of My Beauty Diary Mask(damn, i almost typed dairy farm LOL)! Now Guardian is having discount for it! One box of 10 masks at only sgd$14.95!!! OMG! SUPER CHEAP CAN! Usual price is sgd$21! I bought the strawberry yoghurt one, i think i'll go back to purchase more! Stock it up ftw! Btw, i bought My Beauty Diary's limited edition masks, chocolate one in an online blog shop! HEHHEHEHEHEEEE! So frigging happy! Tammyfish is also a Beauty Diary Mask user! HAHA!

Anyway, i do really think that my good mood is due to many things like today's team training online. We played against Suppy and friends at AEDL room and won both matches! ^^ The replays will be up tomorrow at PMSAsterisk Website! Click HERE! It is already up on PMS* Facebook!

Second reason which contributed to my superb mood was my dwaeji tokki soft toy! HAHAHAHHA! It arrived at Cybernet Alliance lan shop this noon! So happy! Look at my satisfied expression! It is really adorable, nice texture and colour, the ears are bendable and can be shaped! TA DA! The birth of my first soft toy! Thanks baby zilch for buying it for me! =) Much appreciated!

And other small things like how i won my first 4D last week, and my Nuffnang cheque is here! HAHAHAA additional money! Nope, i purposely cover up the amount, don't let you know how much i have leh! HEHEHE! ++ money lor!

And tomorrow i'm working at Tang's Orchard door booth "babe" *aherm* Its for their member card holders private sales event! Quite good pay considering what i need to do, just check membership and smile. =)

Dear friends, you're not alone. There's always me to be there for you. Every cloud has a silver lining, remember? Just face the situation honestly and bravely. Aja Aja Fighting!

:)

2010-03-15T04:18:00.001+08:00

Baby Zilchie, happy 2 years 4 monthsary!

With never ending love, Eliza behbee ^^

My yesterday and today.

2010-03-14T16:29:00.003+08:00

Wootz, my Saturday ended late. Went to Game Haven at about 2pm and started our CM Storm game. Lose though, some how the games were very bad. Just one direction, losing spree. Think it is time to play with brains again. I don't deny the fact that i usually just play dota as alike as plainly staring into a screen with colourful images and clicking my mouse to navigate my hero. Time to buck up.

Went for dinner at Marutama Ramen (as usual) for our gosu ramen and jap eggs! Frigging nice! Maria aka Astatine joined us for dinner and movie later on too! Headed to Iluma to watch the movie Alice in the Wonderland! To me, it wasn't as bad as what Tammy described la. It was afterall a tale. I really like the Cheshire cat! AHHHHHHH so amazingly secretive, luscious looking, sneaky enormous smile, a little adorable and poof! It dissipates into thin air! Haha... Not forgetting my Cheshire tattoo i have on my waist! ^^

Took this photo a year plus plus ago... Yeap, that's my Cheshire cat! MEOW!

Good day!

2010-03-10T21:36:00.003+08:00

Hello people! Good day to you! Yeah.. I know. It has been four full days since the last time i blogged. OK! Here i am now! Oh and before i do so, i would really love to point out that, i'm Singaporean. As a Singaporean, i speak and understand Singlish.(FYI if you don't know what is Singlish, this LINK here would help you)

I don't have a habit of having a book to read constantly while i have free time. Speaking of which, i don't go to the Library to randomly search for a book to start reading. I only read books which interest me. As far as i could remember, there's only a series or a few books which i read before. First was a series, Mary-kate and Ashley, followed by Chicken Soup. Later on was Marley and Me. That was when i bought my first story book ever. It was five years ago, i bought it with vouchers i won in a dance competition then. And just last year, i bought my 2nd story book. It was the oh-so-popular chic flick movie, which also published in book form, New Moon.

So you must be wondering why am i saying all these. Right, the thing is, to speak good English or even get good grades for English, you have to read, a LOT! It has been so many years ever since i sit down and put my heart into reading. Not even newspaper.. I can only remember my better "English Days" when i'm preparing for my N levels and O levels. At that period, i forced myself to blog everyday with proper english, grammer and include them with fanciful vocabs. I checked my sentences after every post. I got a decent B3 for Os. Can you imagine? From not even knowing how to recognise English words, let alone reading a book when i was already in Primary 2? To me, it was a rather huge step ahead of those times.

Now. There is just no reason for me to make efforts in improving something which i don't even have the slightest interest in doing. I just can't see myself writing poems.. I don't know, yeah, don't even know what people do with English. So, i don't see why (AT LEAST FOR THE INSTANCE) people should have a problem with me not speaking/writing proper English. Books are not cheap too. Neither am i rich. And yah, actually i also don't see why people who i don't know should care so much about me. Maybe not the word 'care', but yeah, you should know what i meant.

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End of the first part. Start of my second part.

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I bought my first 4D yesterday. (FYI, 4D is a lottery) I was having dinner with my ex-colleague Fynn at some gosu Korean restaurant at Wilkie Edge. Some how, she started to take notice of the Singapore Pools outlet opposite. She started telling me her 4D tales. I told her i never buy before and she encouraged me to buy it later. LOL... So our plan was, i pick out 2 numbers, and she will pick the other 2. If we win, we will split the winnings. So since i like the number '3' and i'm just starting to love the number '8', I chose '38'. Fynn picked '11' because i told her that Wednesday(the day of the revelation of result) is 11th March. The fact is that Wednesday is 10th. But anyway, we bought IBET so the result came out '1381' and yeah we won 100 bucks! Beautiful mistake huh!? HEHE! EH MAC! LOOK HERE! YOU LOSER! HAHAHAHA! He was like looking at me with his mocking facial expression and said,"Aha.. Don't think you beginners luck then will win lor, won't win de lar!"

GG! HAHAHAA!

Below are some over due pictures, it was posted in FB already tho.

Doing 1,2,3,4. Fynn's idea LOL!

And here comes 4,3,2,1. =.="

ME AND FYNNFYNN!!! ^^ Happy!

I like Tammy's Msn Personal Msg!

2010-03-06T02:51:00.002+08:00

YAY! It is SATURDAY! Whooo... A day which i always looked forward to. A day when i can get to see my lovely girls! Haha... Super miss them de ok. I always got a lot of things to talk to them about, so much things to catch up with! *Hugs*

Oh yeah, i'm meeting Tammy earlier to go Chinatown. She's bringing me to the 'chuan shuo zhong de' charm shop. ^^

Anyway, IKEA Swedish Meatball is love! Ok, i know, very random. I went to Queensway's IKEA with Ant, WaN and Michelle on Friday to nom their gosu meatballs!

Woohooo... I shall sleep earlier like now... 2.56am Is considered early for me.

OK, since Tammy posted her Chihuahua on the blog, here's my photogenic Chihuahua! Fat but handsome ok!
Spinach Odee Ong <------- Full name.

A random shot using my Lulumix. It is a pair of my knee high corset-like stockings which i bought at Shang Hai! Super unique can! Singapore can't find de!

Yay! And the Pig Rabbit! This is th 35cm on which can record voice. Zilch bought the 55cm original one which was shown in the drama. Hehehehee! The seller said the item takes about a week to arrive, he ordered it a few days back already! CAN'T WAIT TO GET HOLD OF THIS! It is actually quite weird why i would want this. It is a soft toy for god's sake. I've never own any soft toys in my entire life. OK, maybe one, the smelly, torn and tattered one which i used to carry every where i go when i was very little.

But still..... I WANT TO HOLD IT ASAP! WooOo mass take photo when it arrive ok? Hehe.. Ok, nights people!

every cloud has a silver lining.

2010-03-02T17:29:00.006+08:00

I'm very much relieved that the misunderstanding was sorted out and solved. I'm sure that neither anyone of us feels good about it either. I'm really thankful that in the end, we still want peace.

Yay! I slept well yesterday! WhooOo..

OH yeah, i bought a pair of pudding hamsters yesterday! So cute! Zilch bought them awww.... He's becoming nice over night. Like outta sudden, he said some mushy stuffs when i randomly asked him to buy a Dwaeji Tokki aka pig rabbit soft toy for me. It meant to be asked in a jokingly manner. I was like," You want sponsor to buy me a dwaeji tokki?" He replied promptly saying,"I won't sponsor you, but i would buy it for you, as your boyfriend." Lol.... Like wth... And now he even bought hamsters. Kim said he xiang tong le. LOL..

Gonna game at Oceania AEDL room now. 8.30pm Asterisk* training. Singapore room 4 is interesting!

Odee checking them out!

He was half curious, half scared.

THERE! The pair of puddings! So cute right! I like their colour, its a bit creamy.

Jon's gift to Dawn(Meh) and Dawn's Agnes B bear!

Dawnsheep looking happy!

Dawn's meow!

Me with Iron Lady 2010 Championship cup!

Becareful when tammy got a weapon!

awwww....

AHAHHAHA JCUP! I told you i would post this up. Who ask u win $35 dollars in poker!

YAY! Finally a picture with Dawn! (willingly)

Having long hair feels good.

Happy Birthday to Dawnsheep!

2010-02-27T04:42:00.006+08:00

Yeah, this blog post is specially dedicated to Dawn aka Pinksheep! First and foremost, i'm gonna virtually sing her a birthday song!

*Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday to dawnsheep..... Happy birthday to you!*

Sore throat ah, so can't record it! If not i 100% would. Knew Dawn for about 3 years? When i was 17 years old. I'm hitting 20 this year. Got to know her at the same time along with Tammyfish. Dawn and Tammy are like my elder sister. My favourite phrase,"When shit happens, luckily there's always Dawn and Tammy jie jie to save me!" It is like a journey, from I DON'T CARE to gradually realising people who are important to me. No photos, cause firstly i'm all worn out and i'm so not gonna find a photo of me and Dawn in my ocean of photos i have. Secondly, it's so hard to take a photo with her.

Anyway, we're all going to Dawn's place tomorrow evening to for pot luck and BBQ~! Haha, so looking forward to it. It has been a week since we all catch up with each other. Miss them quite a bit. This morning i went Fairprice to buy chicken wings so that i can pre-marinate them and bring them to Dawn's BBQ. Reached home and realised that i bought drumsticks with thigh. Dots... Kena scam lor. The label on Fairprice stated chicken wings. Ahh..

And my poker! Dots. I drew double ace and when i'm about to win, garena crashed. GG MAN.

Oki doki, see you all tmr ah! ^^ Hopefully my sore throat would magically disappear when i wakes up. =)

不想懂得....

2010-02-25T02:19:00.003+08:00

Ahhh, this is so gg. How i wish there is an ALT QQ option in life.

So disappointing.

2010-02-24T01:43:00.003+08:00

If it is other heroes, i wouldn't be affected that much. But since it was not, i was enormously emo-ed.

Stupid games. Play what games also so suay. I just played a pub and half way through, the bird got killed and my mithril hammer was in it and it died along with the bird. Fuck My Life like seriously, fuck it. Though i did manage to get another one and win that stupid game, it wasn't something which can replace a 5v5 draft game. Afterall, it was a pub.

Don't know what should i do man. This is so emo-ing. Sometimes, i just feel like crying. I don't know to cry for what but yeah, frustrations?

Hate this. FUCK MY LIFE!

劉力揚-禮物

2010-02-22T09:33:00.002+08:00

Super nice song.. My mix pod on the left column can't auto play this. Love the tune and lyrics. Do listen to it! Definitely worth it. The singer's voice is gosu!

you actually bothered, wow!

2010-02-22T07:44:00.003+08:00

Was blog hopping and came across your phrase. Well, i never do things quietly unless it is for somebody's well being. Other than that, i always do it out loud. Anyway, didn't know you would actually remember that small incident. Thanks! =)

Be it you wanting to know what i wrote or be it your friend telling you what i wrote, since you actually got budged by it, wow, i must be kinda influential.

Don't snigger, cause if you do, you're just trying to make yourself look like you don't care but the fact is that you did care. Since you already stated you don't like any of the 'dota girls' i don't see why you can be bothered by posting that phrase.

But in anyway, i would still be glad to accept your __ IF you can convince me that, "DotA is only about getting last hit kills and if you don't you should eat __." Good luck in making your gaming career big!

And i guessed 2 things right today!(Michelle ^^ and Benly) God, its 7.54am and only now i'm starting to feel sleepy. Just took my 2nd course of medication. I'm sneezing non stop. Chatted with this someone whom i thought i would never communicate to. I found out that i'm actually a believer of People Do Change! Feels good and like what he said,"- 1 enemy" Though i didn't consider him as an enemy but yeah, it is just a xing rong ci.

HAHA... Anyway, Tammy and i would be attending SMU's up coming professional gaming workshop this week, 26th! More details at pmsasterisk.blogspot.com. Tammy will be doing a talk about gaming and i would be rooting for her! Haha, i can't talk as well as her you see. And she has got so much more experience than me! I would be snapping photos away! Then can share with all of you ma! ^^

Sick

2010-02-22T01:47:00.007+08:00

Oh man... Think it has been quite sometimes since i last fell ill. Had slight throat sore and thought it was fine, went ahead with Fynn to ktv and today it got really nasty. Not long ago, it developed fever. Urgh! I hate infections. Stupid... And phelgm! Darn.. Meaning i gotta go consult a doctor to get anti-biotics if not it will get worse. GG. I need to resume assignments to get money.

Anyway, this is my first time using my NEW Asus laptop to blog! Feeling super awesome. Super fast loading speed and Windows 7 is effing great! The laptop surface has this 20% cooler than human body effect! So no more hot laptop anymore! 14 inch which is just the right size though i don't mind it being bigger. Downside is that, i've yet to know how to adjust the sound system. There's this in-built microphone which i don't know where it is, and it had playback sound. =.=" And i have yet to have WC3 installed in it. I only have HoN(HeroesOfNewerth) installed. I was like lying on my bed HoN-ing lol... My HoN ID is QueenJovial, add me yeah?
And..It is Tammy aka Furryfish's week of life in PMS ASTERISK'S website! Long awaited eh? HEHE! Do check it out!

I'm currently lying on my bed, facing this laptop and sipping yeo's ice lemon tea. I spent 2 days of my previous week chionging an awesome korean drama-You're Beautiful. Park Shin Hye and my beloved Jang GeunSuk! Omg! He's so frigging hot! I'm so crazy over him! If he ever comes to SG, i confirm will go down and support him! HOTTIE! He's especially ++++ hot when he is singing! *swoons* Should watch the drama! Its good! =) You can watch it either on Youtube or mysoju.com

My blog's song was sung by him! There's a female version by Park Shin Hye, You're beautiful's female lead! I actually recorded a cover of this song... Still trying to make wav to video form using windows movie maker. Haha... Shall post it up when its done yea?

He's dressed up as one of SNSD's member. Doing a funny mv of Genie! LOL He's super cute la!

Currently have the above pic as wallpaper of my cell phone! HEHEHEHEE... Most handsome when he sings!

473rd blog post

2010-02-16T01:35:00.005+08:00

Cool huh! Didn't even thought i would reach 100th post! Haha, just some random discovery. Anyway, do check out my DotA's team, PMS|Asterisk*'s blog! Its =Pinksheep's aka Dawn's week to blog about her life!

I spent sometime yesterday night blinging my handphone with gems! Hahaa! Looks so pretty right! Mad loves!!!

How was Chinese new year visiting for you guys? My family completed our visiting on the first day. It was mad rushing, like running 'ge tai' LOLS. This year, all of us woke up really late, like at about 10am? Usually we wakes up at about 8am or earlier to get prepared and dressed. So we're very late this year, thus, in order to finish all the visitations, we've gotta rush. 2010's Chinese new year also made me come into realization that after all, getting red packets doesn't seems to be that important anymore. You know when we used to be young kids, getting red packets was something which would instantly perk me up and keep me from feeling sleepy and boring during visitations. Now, it just felt so-so. Another reason why made me felt quite to the side to negativity was because of some relatives. Sigh.. If i were to be child-like which in another word, childish. I would have already said,"This person don't even have the qualification for me to refer as a relative." But yeah, my mum always tells me that,"Blood is thicker than water." So, i found that quite understandable. So, *aherm* i would still refer him as a relative. Relatives that i do not wish to see. My siblings all called him uncle but i was the only one who walked away without even wanting to see him. I just can't find any reason for me to look up to him or respect him. Urgh, i was constantly plain disgusted and i seriously wish he would just pass away instantly. If he do do, i wouldn't attend his funeral. Not even if my parents tells me to do so, i won't. This is an example of people who don't worth anything from anybody. Hmmm.. OK, pass it.

Chinese new year is evil too. It caused me to gain 1kg of.. I don't know. I think its time to seriously get into action of cutting those carbs and extra calories. I should have considered enough and should get exercising going! And i'm kinda proud of myself for actually doing it! I went massive skipping with my 2nd sister yesterday. OMG.... 2 years of no exercise really almost killed me. I was struggling to catch my breath after skipping for 5 minutes! LOL... Yeah, really lousy, but hey! You get stamina day by day and not *snap* all of a sudden thing huh! Great! Though skipping is boring unlike dancing which you get to enjoy the music, aircon and ogle at yourself working magic to your curvy body and get abs after all those dance sessions, skipping is FREE, FAST and EFFECTIVE!(I sound like filming a advertisement. LOL) I'm gonna continue my skipping and running regime! Keeping it very constant this time round! I wanna say hi to my long lost abs again!

Found photo shop really interesting. OK, i think i blogged about that a couple of months ago! Yeah! It is a genius software! Using my Lulu aka my panasonic LX3, i took a photo of my fortune cat cell phone charm and enhanced it with film effect using Photoshop. Love the outcome!

All along i'm interested in film photography but films are costy and very inconvenient. You can only find certain format of films at a couple of location and they usually cost a few dollars. After you have taken the photos and wants to develop them, you have to travel all the way to the couple of shops which is available for developing such films. Then you go home, and you still have to travel up to collect your developed photos/disc. MA FAN LEH! But i guess its still worth it.. The slightly decolourized photo, light-leaks, and unique yet unguessable outcomes are priceless surprises!

I have this Sea Gull medium-format, twin-lens reflect manual film camera which my grandfather gave it to my mom and my mom gave it to me. I sent it for servicing at a camera hospital, cleaned the lens and changed the aperture lever and viola, it looks awesome. Servicing costed me a bomb! Due to busy lifestyle i had since then, i never have a chance to try it out! I did make efforts though. I bought 2 rolls of film but i wasted both of them on experimenting how to load the film into the camera correctly without exposing them to light. Thanks to helpful youtube which assisted me in the latter success. Tomorrow, i'm going to a photography shop located at bras basar complex to purchase the 120 black and white films! I'm really excited!

Have to find a 90s movie tomorrow too.. Not sure whether it is a 90s or 80s movie.. I think 90s. And i'll be going to Qing's place for Chinese new year celebration, get together. The thought of meeting all my secondary school friends makes me kinda nervous and kinda happy. It has been 2 years since i saw them.

Alright, i'm gonna get some sleep. I NEED A NEW LAPTOP AS SOON AS POSSIBLE! URGH... Bye!

ONE LAST THING!
Zilch: Behbee, your head like got something missing... TskkKKkK.... Like don't know what leh....
Me: Huh??? What thing? *Walks towards zilch*
Zilch: Like missing................................. A kiss! *Plants a kiss on my forehead*

LOL! Or? Haha!

New Year, New Cell Phone!

2010-02-13T03:37:00.004+08:00

Hello followers, sorry for not blogging for the past couples of days. I've been a good girl, waking up early in the morning,(yeah, I WOKE UP in AMs and not PMs) *aherm* to study my mathematics and science. More on mathematics actually. I'm actually on chapter 5 now. =) So far still good. One thing i discovered about maths.... Mathematics is actually kinda interesting! Plus, subtract, minus, divide and you can get the answer. WooOooO.. I like. I hope i can still say this when i start on the Algebra chapter. Wish me lucks! Meanwhile, i'll continue to work hard.

Few few days ago, i ordered this cheong sam specially from http://kizzofgoddess.livejournal.com/ and when i received it, the item was a wrong one. I received some satin top which was totally not a cheong sam. The package also had 'cheong sam 3' stroke out and below it was 'jessica 2'. GG. I was really damn effing disappointed can. I've been a online shopper since 2 years ago and this is actually my first time having this kinda problem. =.=" I've already sent them a notice yesterday via e-mail but i've yet to receive a reply. DOTS. I went around shopping at Orchard with my 2nd sister and it was bad. So crowded and the weather. OMG... It was a killer. Didn't buy any clothings. I just bought a Shu Uemura lip liner pencil for $32. Exp.. But colour was nice. Wasn't the original colour i actually wanted, but oh well, the salesman told me they're stopping that product. Hmmmmm.. Anyway, my sister told me about the salesman. She was shopping at Pedro, a shop which sells more high end shoes, and he tried more than 10 pairs and he wasn't satisfied with any. Instead, he kept on ordering the sales girl around and gave non-stop criticism to the "ugly shoes". Tsk... If i were the salesgirl, and if i sees him at Shu Uemura working, i would be very sure to give him a 'happy chinese new year greeting'. Tsk, sales man only want to act what shit high class? He must be people like Flizzardo(he is a son of a poor bitch who wants to act as a high class socialite and atas politician), working as a counter sales person and wants to ACT. Omg... Actually these people are worth investigating, not the people, but the people's actions. Interesting.

But its ok, screw chinese new year clothings, i'm sure i have dresses and heels which i've yet to wear. No new clothing but i gotten myself a NEW cell phone! *whOoo celebrates! Coffetti! Balloons!* Ya know, my previous phone was a year plus plus plus ago and it got stolen after i bought it 2 weeks ago. So, all these years(almost 2 years), i've been using a lot of crappy and lousy phones. Phones have upgraded massively. Now with internet connections, plays gosu videos and has keyboards. Woah.. I'm impressed. Anyway, i got myself a phone which was rather good-enough-for-eliza-Nokia E63.

Just a few minutes ago, i realised E63 was a 'budget' version of E71. It comes without micro SD card adapter and micro USB cable. Yes, i gotta buy them separately. Dots.. Haha, however, its pretty and useful! Not forgetting to mention, it is my first smartphone! Whoooo! I re-contracted my 2 years mobile plan and added a data plan. They have 2 data plans available. Its either $30 dollars per month with a free usage of 10Mb data transfer, and you get to buy the phone at $118. OR you pay $38 per month and free usage of 12GB data transfer and you can purchase the phone at $68 dollars! HAHA, of course i picked the $38 package. Sounds more of a good deal. 10Mb is totally crap. 12Gb is dope.

Apparently, Nokia E63 comes with Red, Blue or the new colour-White. Red was out-of-stock Singapore wide so i picked the White one. It looks so.... Pure... So delicate and cute... It looks as though it has the skin of the moon cake! (Bing pi yue bing) HAHA! I'm thinking what name should i give to my phone. Snow white? Or White Moon Caka(Bai Yue Bing). Lols... Anyway, i attached a prosperity cat charm to it. So cute! It is baby pink in colour!

OK... I'm going to sleep. And wth... Its 4am?! Shit... I didn't realised it was that late. Night people!

Growing population

2010-02-10T23:30:00.005+08:00

Read a rather lame and cocky interview on MYM's webby. I guess that if you're loaded with cash and gold, things would be so much easier to carry out huh. Anyway, i'm still glad that the population of competitive female gamers are growing rapidly. More and more all-females professional competitive teams are emerging.

From the day i stepped into competitive gaming, i've always looked forward to having an all-females gaming competition. Be it Blackshot or Counterstrike, HoN or DotA, its always a hope to me for having such events. I don't know why. Maybe because it would be something new? And i felt that it would be more fun versus my own gender. Competitive gamers are stil majority males.

Since Singapore is sucha tiny city, so i guess that if there are such competitions for females, it'ld most probably be an international thing. Its imbal. Gives us all a reason to go outta our small diamond for a short get-away too. Iron Lady Competition 2010 was really a good start on female gaming scene.

Abrupt stop to my gaming topic. Anyway, remembered who "created" the deadly SARS and BirdFlu? Those fake and poisonous milk powders which deformed and killed many babies? Hmmmm.. I once watched a documentary or report like programme on the tv and it listed so many of all these weird diseases, how it was created, most importantly, where it came from.

Tsktsk... If only your country's citizens can act wisely and be thoughtful. Sigh, a pity that after so many centuries, its still the same. Saded.

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2010 Valentines Day? I'm super free that day, other than studying, nothing is gonna be on. Zilch said he can't celebrate cause he have to work. I whined to him and i suggested that he should make up for it and he agreed. It has been 2 years since i celebrated Valentines day on the actual day itself. Some people might think it is just gonna be any other normal day, but that is a wrong thinking ok. It is a day for people to make plans, change your old thinking, and do something special at least for once. So how ah?

And there's so much things to do for the past few days. I made a list of to-do-things and i only managed to complete half of it. Sometimes it is not my fault. Take for example, i supposed to pay my cell phone bills. I went to the 7-11 and the cashier told me that their machine is spoilt. WTH.. So spoilt means can't pay which also means delayed. Hmpf....

3 more days to 2010 Chinese New Year. I was happily munching on chocolate coated and honey coated cornflakes and then i suddenly saw a tub of neatly stacked, round-shaped pineapple tarts. I popped one into my mouth and gosh... The taste was heavenly, at the same time, familiar. A tinge of nostalgia engulfed me. I remembered during my secondary school days, all of us used to go Qing's place to make them. It was really enjoyable. Anyway, have you bought your chinese new year's clothing? I only bought one this year. I went online shopping and found a pink satin, black laced cheong sam. It looked really good. It cost less than sgd$30 too! ^^

Then i heard from many people who said when and what date, they going to have a new hair cut or dye their hair for chinese new year. So i was randomly browsing in Watsons(i love watsons!) and i found myself standing at the D.I.Y hair dye section. So i bought Liese's bubble hair dye in Chocolate Brown. It was a rather dark shade of brown. I wanted to have darker hair colour so that when my hair grows out, the roots which is black wouldn't be so obvious and ugly. I wouldn't have to keep dying my hair too. But today i realised that the colour is still kinda light leh...

Ok, i want to go watch free movies online liao. Bye..

Liese's bubble hair dye in Dark Chocolate! Selling at $19.90 at all Watsons.

They have many beautiful colours, from brown to orange and even pink! Not as in the solid pink colour la, talking about the "family".

Super easy to apply and don't have to wait for the usual one hour. Just 20-30 minutes! Smell wise was not as pungent as other brands.

I temporary curled my hair just for fun. Wanted to see how the outcome is.

Getting all geared up to start dye-ing my hair!

Since i got rather short hair, i applied evenly throughout my whole hair and i realised there's still a lot left. So i decided to......

Add more! Now my head looks like the lady's head on the instructions menu.

My hair before colouring. Bought the red rose to go with my cheong sam! AHHH That reminded me that i have yet to go down to MAC or Shu Uemura to buy my red lip liner. Urghh....

Can't really see the colour difference here, bad lighting. But my hair colour looks more decent now.

I think i know

2010-02-07T02:06:00.006+08:00

Hello people, did you enjoy your long awaited Saturday? I'm satisfied with going to Game Haven(PMS*'s Sponsored LAN located at SAFRA Clark Quay) to play an online competition with my heartwarming girls, gosu dinner at Marutama Ramen(godlike Japanese style eggs) and movie at Iluma after that. I really love spending Saturdays with the girls. Miss them so much after we came back from Iron Lady @ Shanghai. Maybe i shouldn't use the word 'miss', it is too shallow. It is a word which contains cheap contemplation and perception from vast amount of people. An elementary example of abuse in meanings. A rather fair term to address it. It is more appropriate to label it as a desire. ^^

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Have you ever had any things that you want to do or complete, but you can't because you need to fufil it with another person?

Well, i have many.. In actual, too many to name and form them into sentences. I always wondered,"What if suddenly i drop dead, got into a fatal accident or.. I don't know, just disappear?" I often find myself imagining and deducing how would i feel IF i were to be what i just mentioned earlier.

Will i be sad?

Will i be angry?

Will i cry?

Will i be disappointed?

How?

What can i do now to change what had already happened?

Will i feel that its such a waste?

Will people feel sorry for me?

Will he feel sorry for us?

I seriously don't know. All i want to do is spending enough time with the people i love and people who love me. I don't know why, but i got this weird and nasty feeling which came from nowhere, somewhat telling me that time is not going to wait for you. It'd just stop at anytime it wants to.

To be honest, I'm petrified. I don't want to see myself wailing over spilled milk. I hope i can turn it round, but I'm just human, i need you to cooperate and think a like in order to feel our importance. You will never hear this personally from me since from the past 19 years of my life, i kept thoughts in my personal "imaginarium". Nobody can view and feel it. I only feel comfortable typing on my own, to my own.

Sigh... Full of random thoughts again........................................... I'm tired, i'm turning in now. Good night.

Things to do~

2010-02-05T04:07:00.003+08:00

Ahhh.. I gonna start studying next Monday. Self-study scheme.com Dots, i need to buy stationery and books. Popular ftw? Half looking forward to it.

Got a urge to splurge on new make-up items that is new in the market. Wa lao.. You know, so many good reviews and those to die for colours. *swoons..* And i'm suppose to buy Kimchi a set of basic make-up so that in future events, she can do her own make up. Can practice at home too. LOL!

Finally the overrated taiwan drama ended. I'm referring to Hi My Sweetheart. Too dramatic and unreal leh. Don't really like. I still prefer my 下一站，幸福! And urgh... Taiwan dramas are addictive. I can barely believe that i followed the drama PATIENTLY *aherm* for 18 weeks and still on going for the release of each episode per week. AND NOW!!! TMD! Got new drama which I'm hooked on to. Its the Down With Love aka 就想賴著妳! Tian ah... Its also one episode per week. GG to me.

Da jia yi qi nu li jia you ba!

tiny update

2010-02-04T23:24:00.002+08:00

I realised i can't download photo editing software here. Darn... So i shall do it at home. Meanwhile, here's a few pics...

Me in the SteelSeries Fantastic 4 weird looking ultra TIGHT "dress" with a no link hot pink satin belt. =.="

Printed on the back of China's Arrival and Departure card. Accomodation at the police station? Anyone? LOL!

Steel Series Pink Ikari Mouse with pink mouse pad and keyboard.

Got home after 8 days at Shang Hai. Greeted my Polaroid camera and then decided to use up the remaining films. I think there's one left still!

Meoww-ow~

Last thought of today-Where will jealousy lead you to? Greater heights? Trying to get your way by your signature absurd personality? I can't help but pity people like you. So much for clamouring for fame. Period.

Replays/Live

2010-02-03T20:49:00.005+08:00

http://www.tudou.com/programs/view/rFhL_DDKuCk/

Above is the link of my replay! Versusing SteelKK's Xiao M. Enjoy!

I looked damn cool and chill in that video but in actual i was so friggin nervous can! And also, my first blood on Viper, the CHINA commentators don't sound excited and happy for me. Whereas, if SteelKK's player were to kill us, they sound super over elated.

China: Shang la shang la! *KILLS* AIYA!!!!!!

Lol... China... How come i kill le they say aiya leh? LOL... Obvious right. Funny.

Oh, do look at how kimchi pounce on me after winning. LOL.. Anyway, Lich was kimchi's gosu idea. Lol..